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What Goes Around

Scene I: Central Park Zoo - Closing Time

Fade in to the Central Park Zoo in the early evening. Alice is eagerly looking at the Bell tower. The clock strikes six.

Alice: YEEESSS!!! (shoving visitors out) Closing time, let's go! Come on, move it or lose it! (takes a man's ice cream) Whoops! Lost it.

At the Penguin Habitat, the penguins are waving to the leaving visitors.

Skipper: Ah, closing time. Are there two sweeter words known to man or beast?
Private: Puppy love?
Rico: Ka...boom?
Kowalski: Plutonium-fueled DNAmutatingnature-abominating-monstermaker!

The penguins stare at him, confused.

Rico: Uh...
Kowalski: The first word was hyphenated!
Skipper: Yeah, great, all good. But I'm sticking with...
Girl: (offscreen) My dolly!

Before Skipper can finish, the girl screams out. Private sniggers at this.

Private: Skipper?
Skipper: That wasn't me, it was-!

Scene II: Rescue Operation

A lady is dragging her daughter to the exit.

Girl: I lost my dolly! Help!

A doll identical to Rico's Ms Perky sits forlornly on a bench.

Skipper: (off screen) Hot molded plastic!

Cut to the Penguin Habitat.

Skipper: Dolly down! Rescue operation is go! Go! Go!

The penguins mobilize and load the doll into Rico's mouth. Skipper comes out from behind a trash can, with Rico as a gun. The doll is in Rico's mouth.

Skipper: (aiming) Target acquired.

He fires, ejecting the doll from Rico's mouth. The doll taps the girl in the back, bouncing off her. It lands dangerously close to a sewer grate. The penguins gasp as the doll tips over into the sewers.

Girl: (getting dragged out) MY DOOOLLYYYYY!!
Skipper: Kowalski, strike this one from the Skipper's Log.

Kowalski takes out his clipboard, and dumps the paper into Rico. Rico promptly shreds the paper.

Scene III: Alice's Office

The same lady and little girl are talking to Alice in her office. Alice is writing a lost toy report.

Girl: (crying) And her Princess Pony Princess. And her favorite food is...Sparkle Glitter!(bursts into sobs)
Alice: Glit...ter. Great! And we are gonna do all we can to bring Princess home from the sewer. Mmkay?
Lady: Come on, sweetheart.

The lady and her daughter walk out. Alice goes up to a file cabinet.

Alice: Ugh, Lost Toy file.

She opens the cabinet and put the report in, unaware that Skipper is in the drawer.

Alice: Well, I've done all I can do.

She closes the drawer and leaves, Skipper stops it and pops out, report in hand.

Skipper: No little girl will shed a tear on my watch!

Scene IV: Penguin HQ

Skipper, Private, and Kowalski are looking at the report.

Kowalski: Well, the chimps can crack the girl's address, but that dolly could be anywhere in the 6,000 miles of the New York City sewer system.
Skipper: So? We'll have to split up.

Kowalski takes out his abacus set.

Kowalski: Let's see, that's...

He calculates quickly, moving the beads of the abacus around.

Kowalski: ...1,500 miles of sewer each? Wow.
Skipper: Hmm. That is a lot of sewer.
Private: What about a replacement dolly?
Kowalski: We'd need an exact duplicate, and where would we even find her?

The three hear Rico serenading Ms Perky while brushing her hair behind them. The penguins get an idea and approach Rico, who protectively hugs his doll. He then looks at the other penguins.

Rico: What?

Kowalski draws the dress of the lost doll on his notepad. He tears out the page, compares it to Ms Perky and shows it to the penguins.

Kowalski: Perfect match. All we need is a dress.
Private: I'll get my sewing kit.
Kowalski: I'll get the glitter glue.

Kowalski and Private leave. Rico regurgitates a rolling pin and waves it at Skipper ferociously, apparently having got the general idea.

Skipper: Whoa, hey, it's your call, compadre! Just try to think about that weepy little miss with an empty place in her heart where her dolly used to be.

Rico hesitates, looks at his doll for a moment, and sadly complies. As Private returns, Rico hands the doll to Skipper.

Private: Way to go, Rico!

Scene V: Apartment Building

At an apartment building, a bellhop leers at a girl passing by. While he's distracted, Rico lowers Ms Perky, now complete with new dress. As soon as the bellhop looks behind him, Rico knocks him out cold with the doll. Rico pulls the doll back up and high fives her. Skipper signals for the penguins to go, and they jump down. Rico regurgitates change into the bellhop's hat. Now inside the apartment, the penguins approach a room. Rico is still upset about leaving his 'girlfriend' forever.

Private: It'll be okay, Rico. It's like my Gran always told me: you do a good deed and good comes back to you.

Rico kisses his doll and leaves it in front of the door. He starts to leave, but suddenly races back frantically.

Rico: Wait!

Skipper and Kowalski drag him away. Skipper races back again and knocks on the door.

Girl: (opening it) Hello? Who's...

She sees her doll.

Girl: Princess Pony Princess! (picks it up) Mom! Mom! She came back! (shuts the door) Moooom!!
Penguins: Awww...

The penguins high five one another, Rico is visibly still upset.

Private: Remember, Rico. Good things always come back around.

Rico perks up and follows the penguins out of the hallway, abeit minus their usual high level of paranoia, which proves unwise. At the security station, cameras have spotted them.

Guard: Yo, Sally, you seein' this?! Hey, what's the number for animal control?

Scene VI: Alley

The penguins climb down into an alley.

Private: Any warm, fuzzy feelings yet?

Rico regurgitates a firefly.

Rico: Uh-uh.
Private: Well, the universe does still owe you one. I'm sure any minute now.

Rico trips over something. The penguins look behind them to find a box of sardines. Rico stands up excitedly.

Skipper: Sardines!
Kowalski: Ooh, econo-sized!
Rico: (hungrily) Fiiish!
Private: (Rico goes up to the box) See? Good things do come around!

As soon as Rico picks up the box, a string attached to the box is pulled. A shadow falls over the penguins.

Rico: Huh? Uh oh.

A cage drops on them.

Skipper: What in the name of pickled schnauzers?!

A red van drives up to the cage containing the penguins. Kowalski sees the van and immediately falls in love with it.

Kowalski: She's beautiful!

He sees the schematics and it's rainbows and fantasies for Kowalski...until Skipper slaps him, snapping him out of his daze.

Skipper: Kowalski!

The door opens and out steps Officer X.

Officer X: Got a call on a 415-P Disturbance. Penguins involved. Now, how'd I know it'd be you punks?
Private: It's Officer X!

Rico gasps.

Kowalski: The deranged animal control supercop!
Officer X: (approaching the cage) You birds are a loong way from the zoo. (takes out a sharp hook) That's awfully unsafe, considering what time it is.

Kowalski shrugs.

Kowalski: 7:30, maybe?
Officer X: Payback time!
Kowalski: Oh, payback! Hey, that makes much more...

Officer X raises the hook. The penguins yell out in fear, only to see him placing the hook on the cage. They sigh in relief, but get pulled closer.

Officer X: Zoo's not good enough, huh? Well, guess what? Out here, you're stray animals, and that makes you mine!

While he brings the cage closer to the van, Skipper turns to Rico.

Rico: Kaboom?
Skipper: Now more than ever.

Rico hurriedly regurgitates a stick of dynamite, while Kowalski reaches out and grabs a nearby metal dish. Officer X continues to monologue as he winches the cage to the van, unaware of the events unfolding behind him.

Officer X: You think you can play me? You’re penguins. You don’t even have brains enough to fly!

Skipper: No, but we sure know how to fall.

The dynamite explodes, blasting a hole into the sewer that the penguins fall into.

Rico: Wheee!

Officer X: No!

Scene VII: Sewers

Rico: (gibberish complaining)

Private:Yes, I know what I said about giving up your Dolly.

Rico: (gibberish complaining)

Private:Okay, Officer X was a nasty surprise.

Rico: (gibberish complaining)

Private: And yes, the fall was a bit rough on the bum.

Rico: (gibberish complaining)

Private: But we got away from him! I mean, that’s a good thing, right?

Skipper: Not yet. You heard the man: as long as we’re outside the zoo, we’re considered stray animals!

Kowalski: (sighs) I’ve never felt so filthy.

Skipper: We’re still seven blocks from home, but at least we’ve got a solid headstart on-

Officer X’s van makes a beeping sound. The van’s laser gun extends and starts drilling a circle around the van.

Skipper: Kowalski, analysis on that glow!

Kowalski: It appears Officers X’s van has laser drilling capabilities.

Skipper: So, we should move, then?

Kowalski: Oh, most definitely.

Officer X’s van drops into the sewers. The penguins jump out of the way and begin sliding away, with the van pursuing them.

Skipper: Kowalski, give me an exit strategy.

Kowalski: Up ahead, topside tunnel.

The penguins escape through the tunnel. The van drives past it but then backs up next to it.

Scene VIII: Alley

Skipper slides out of the subway stairwell.

Kowalski: We should be safe up here, Skipper. There’s no way he’ll fit through…

The van’s engine is heard through the stairwell. The penguins watch nervously, before the van zooms out of the stairwell and over the penguins.

Kowalski: (in awe) So wild…so free. Yet I know I can tame her!

The van lands on the street and turns around to face the penguins.

Skipper: We’ll never make it home with that steel, psycho mobile on our tails. Boys, we’re taking the van out!

Kowalski: (gasps) No, you’re right. The van must … (sobs) go! I…I need a minute.

Officer X: Giving up, huh? That’s why penguins are from Antarctica – can’t take the heat.

Skipper, Kowalski and Private run away, while Rico glares at the van. He coughs up a matador hat and cape. The van extends its two front claws and charges at Rico, who dodges it.

Skipper: Swing team, deploy!

The penguins swing by the stopped van, and unbolt one of its tires. Rico continues bullfighting with the van, and the penguins unbolt another tire. The van charges straight at Rico, but it veers off when its tires detach and crashes in the street.

Rico: Ole!

The rest of the penguins land next to Rico.

Private: You see that, Rico? The way you dodged the lunatic? The universe was-

A tire runs over Rico.

Skipper: You all right, amigo?

Rico: (groans dizzily)

Skipper and Kowalski glare at Private.

Private: (timidly) Perhaps the universe blinked.

Officer X: (angrily climbing out of the van) I loved…that van!

Kowalski: Yes, we all loved the van. You think you’re the only one hurting?!

Skipper: Let it go, Kowalski. C’mon, we’ll lose him in the park.

The penguins exit except Rico. Kowalski returns and drags Rico away.

Scene IX: Central Park

Private: I’ll never leave the zoo again, except maybe for snow cones –

Officer X suddenly appears in front of the penguins.

Officer X: Delinquent penguins, in the name of the metropolitan sub-bureau of animal control and pretzel cart regulation, you shall not pass!

Officer X ignites his stun baton.

Skipper: Kowalski, tell me you’ve got a really sweet option.

Kowalski: Frontal approach cut off. I suggest a brown river sneak-around.

Skipper: Really? Interesting choice. On me, go! (Runs away)

Officer X: Huh?

Officer X tries to tackle the penguins but misses. The penguins jump down a manhole to the sewers.

Scene X: Sewers

Skipper: Keep it moving, boys. That maniac can’t be too far behind us.

The penguins encounter Officer X around the corner

Skipper: Sweet dixie dreidels! How much are they paying this guy?

Officer X: There’s no escaping justice, punks! Like mother always said: whatever you do, it always come back around.

Private gives knife under neck gesture. Rico blows a raspberry and scoffs.

Kowalski: Skipper, those pipes! I believe they’re sewage beam lines.

Private: And they’re pointed right at Officer X!

Skipper: Well, that’s a lucky break.

Rico becomes excited.

Private: You’re right, Rico. It is the universe. Go for it!

Officer X pulls out a grappling hook

Skipper: Eat sewage, chump.

Rico hacks up a chainsaw that cuts through the sewage pipe, but nothing happens.

Officer X: Hahaha! Gotcha!

Officer X ties up the penguins with the grappling hook.

Officer X: X to the doghouse, prep a cage for four outlaw birdies.

Private: I-I don’t believe it!

Skipper: Curse you, universe!

Rico: (groans)

A whistling sound is heard.

Skipper: Private, knock off the whistling. I’m trying to curse the universe

Private: It’s not me, Skipper. It’s…

Kowalski: Skipper, it’s that sewer line! Something’s blocking it. Oh mama, it’s gonna blow!

Officer X: Oh my…

Dolly shoots out of the pipe and knocks down Officer X, followed by sewage spraying onto him.

Skipper: That ain’t gonna come out of the cleaners.

Private: Rico, that was it – your payback! I knew it! The universe was just waiting for the right moment.

Skipper: Correction, Private: it was waiting for the right girl.

Kowalski: The lost Dolly, it was blocking the pipe!

Skipper: Rico, I believe this pretty lady is now yours.

Rico tackles Dolly from Skipper, and coddles and kisses her.

Scene XI: Penguin HQ

Rico is brushing Dolly while the rest of the penguins are watching the news covering Officer X’s arrest on television.

Officer X: It was the penguins, I tell ya!

Reporter: The crazed officer was arrested after a vandalism spree over several city blocks last night.

Skipper: You see, Private? Once you let the universe who’s boss, things just work out.

Episode ends with Rico happily singing and brushing Dolly.

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