Scene I: The Penguin HQ
Skipper: Pop quiz troops: What can’t we trust?
Kowalski shifts through his notes and shows a page to Skipper.
Kowalski: Three day old, stir-fried Mung beans.
Skipper: Right. What else can’t we trust?
Private: (Pulling out a book on bloodthirsty badgers) Badgers?
Private: (Tapping the book importantly) Maybe that’s just me…
Skipper: (Slightly upset) What I’m getting at is sometimes we can’t trust our own eyes.
Skipper puts a blindfold on Private and grabs a wooden training sword.
Skipper: What do you see, Private?
Private: Black nothingness, Skipper.
While blind folded, Private blocks all of Skipper’s blows and disarms him.
Skipper: Bravisimo, Private! Rico, show time!
Rico: Yeah! Yeah!
Rico regurgitates a chainsaw and advances on Skipper, sawing the training sword in half.
Skipper: Stand down man, stand down.
Rico: (Taking off his blindfold) Ta-da?
Skipper: Crudely done, but I admire your moxie.
Scene II: The Penguin HQ
Kowalski is seen blindfolded and Skipper is pointing the training sword at him.
Skipper: Alright, Kowalski. Feel it.
Kowalski: (Taking Skipper’s orders literally) Hmm, sixty-forty cotton-poly blend with a nylon cross weave. Nice.
Skipper: Kowalski, turn down the old think melon, otherwise…
Skipper begins swinging at Kowalski whom fails to block any attack. Kowalski is knocked to the floor and his blindfold comes off.
Skipper: Catch my drift? Listen to your gut.
Kowalski, taking Skipper’s orders literally once again, attempts to listen to his rumbling stomach.
Kowalski: Sorry Skipper. That’s an anatomical impossibility.
Skipper: Kowalski, what would you do if we actually were under attack?
Marlene: (Excitedly) Guys! Guys, guess what!
Marlene sneaks up behind Skipper and startles him. Skipper karate chops half of her flowers. Private and Rico tackle Marlene while Kowalski considers Skipper’s question.
Kowalski: Considering barometric pressure and the Coriolis-effect, a sunrise assault would be the best course of action.
Marlene: Um, excuse me. (Private lets go of her foot) What in the world are you guys doing?
Skipper: (Suspiciously) I might ask you the same question, except for the guy part. What are you doing sneaking about?
Marlene: (Indignantly) I wasn’t, who’s sneaking? I’m just heading over to welcome our new neighbors. No one’s seen them yet. Now I figure they’re just shy. Wanna come with?
Rico claps and Kowalski and Private nod. Skipper cuts them off.
Skipper: Not without proper recon, Marlene. It could be death a thousand times over in that new habitat; venomous vipers, bloodthirsty...
Private: ( Scared) ...Badgers?!?
Skipper: ...Flying piranhas.
Marlene: Okay. Yeah, piranhas don’t fly.
Skipper: That’s exactly what Manfredi and Johnson said, back in Ecuador. (Sadly) We buried what was left of them with a teaspoon.
Marlene: (Skeptically) Riiight. Well I think I’m gonna go ahead and risk it. Yeah, but I do appreciate your raving paranoia.
Skipper: (Happily) Any time Marlene, any time.
Scene III: The Lemur Habitat
King Julien is talking to Marlene from the top of his throne.
King Julien: I would love to join you in the meeting of the neighbors, but, I am faaaaar tooooo busy with… Maurice, what am I far too busy with?
Maurice: Posing for your royal portrait.
Mort: I’m an easel.
King Julien: Mort…
Mort: (Slowly) Yes?
King Julien: Shut up a little, okay?
King Julien: (Inspecting the Royal Portrait) Ehh, shouldn’t my muscle parts be you know, bigger? Pumped a bit more, yes? (Gasping) Maurice! What is that hideousity?
Maurice: That’s Mort.
King Julien: Mort!
Mort: (Slowly) What?
King Julien: What did I say?
Mort: Shut up a leettle?
King Julien: Mhmm. Why is Mort in the royal painting? Paint him out now before my eyes smell him forever. (Noticing Mort) My eyes are still stinking of you. (Angrily) Now go with Marlene and think about what you’ve done.
Mort: But I didn’t…
King Julien throws Mort down to Marlene.
Mort: Weee! I was there and now I’m here.
Scene IV: The Reptile House
Marlene is seen entering the reptile house, nervously, carrying a cake and bouquet of flowers.
Marlene: Uh, hello? New neighbors?
Mort: (Following behind Marlene, scared) Is it safe?
Marlene: (Slowly) It’s nice. A-a little humid, and a lot… dark and spooky.
Mort: (Hugging Marlene’s leg, voice trembling) I didn’t notice.
A tentacle is seen behind Marlene and Mort.
Marlene: (Scared) What?!? Okay, Marlene. You’re just letting Skipper’s crazy talk get to you. Uh, hello? New neighbors? Welcome to... (Gasps) Mort! Did you see that?
Mort: (Scared) No! I see nothing!
Marlene: Hi, so-someone there? Anyone? Flying snakes, piranhas?
Mort notices some foot prints.
Mort: Look! Footy-prints! I know these! They are—
Mort is pulled away by a tentacle.
Marlene: Mort! No! Ahhhh!
Marlene makes a break for the door, dodging tentacles along the way.
Scene V: The Penguin HQ
Kowalski is seen blindfolded again, holding a training sword. Private is standing in front of him also holding a training sword.
Private: You can do it, mate. Don’t think, just use your instincts!
Kowalski: Right. Instincts. Engarde! (Kowalski successfully blocks an attack. He holds up a flipper and takes off his blindfold) Wait, which instinct should I use? Survival instincts—
Skipper face-palms again.
Kowalski: —homing instinct(INCORRECT), social instinc—(Private whacks Kowalski’s head) — doowaaah!
Private knocks Kowalski on his back.
Kowalski: Should have gone with survival.
Marlene enters their HQ, screaming.
Marlene: Help! Help help! Ahhhh! Heeeeeelp!
King Julien and Maurice enter through the fish-plaque.
King Julien: What is with all this screaming craziness? I am having troubles concentrating on the beautifical portrait of myself.
Marlene: (Close to tears) The new neighbors they, they took Mort! He’s gone!
Everyone but King Julien gasps in horror.
King Julien: (Lazily) Who’s Mort?
Everyone glares at King Julien.
King Julien: Oh, my easel. Right. Oh, I too am gasping in horror. But on the inside, because you know, I need that easel.
Skipper: (Shaking Marlene) From the beginning, Marlene. Give me every gruesome detail. I can take it.
Marlene: Well, we felt like something was, you know, watching us. Then Mort, he found these weird footprints, then all of a sudden these squishy tentacles just shot down and (makes a slurping sound) wooshez, glack, ahhh-sucked him up, gone!
Kowalski: (Taking notes) Unknown hostiles with tentacles and feet.
Skipper: (Angrily at Kowalski) Again? If I had a nickel for every time…
Skipper opens up a map of the world.
Skipper: Okay, describe the enemy’s terrain.
Marlene: It was jungley, so let’s, let’s think, that could be… they could be from where? South America, Africa, Asia, maybe Australia.
Skipper: You’ve gotta focus, Marlene. You just named four of the eight continents.
Maurice: Uh, there are only seven continents.
Skipper: (Pointing at the South Atlantic Ocean) I count Atlantis. Trust me lemur, if you had my security clearance you would too.
Marlene: Guys, we have to save Mort!
Kowalski: Perhaps we should open up back-channel negotiations.
Marlene: (Concerned) Skipper, I do not think these are the kinds of creatures you can reason with.
Skipper: Don’t worry Marlene, neither are we.
Skipper pushes a button on a remote, causing part of the wall to spin revealing a secret panel covered in gadgets.
Marlene: (Impressed) Huh. Secret panel, look at you. Impressive.
Scene VI: The Reptile House
The penguins descend into the reptile house through a ceiling tile.
Skipper: (Into a walky-talky) Roosters in the hen house, report.
Private tunnels underground and appears in a tree.
Private: All clear!
Kowalski repels down a tree.
Kowalski: All clear!
Rico blasts through a boulder with a bazooka.
Rico: Yah yah!
The penguins assembled around Skipper and strike kung-fu poses.
Skipper: Perimeter secured.
Skipper tugs on Kowalski’s rope and sends Marlene tumbling down.
Marlene: (Angrily) Hey! Not cool, dude.
Skipper: Marlene, I told you to leave this to us.
Marlene: No, you didn’t.
Skipper: Psh, in your mind maybe.
Kowalski’s radar begins pinging.
Kowalski: Movement in sector victor-bravo.
Rustling is heard from a bush.
Skipper: (Cockily) Prepare to give this bogie a real New York welcome.
Rico cocks and aims his bazooka at the bush.
Private strikes another kung-fu pose.
Kowalski: Coming this way, closing in. Six yards, five, four, it’s right on top of us!
As Maurice, pulling King Julien emerges from the bush, Kowalski’s radar stops pinging.
King Julien: Hello, neighbor!
Marlene and the penguins let out a collective groan.
King Julien: Thank goodiness you are here to help my chunky monkey carry me.
Maurice: (Under his breath) I’m big boned.
Skipper: You’re putting this mission in jeopardy. State your business!
King Julien: Why of course I am here to give the new neighbors the wondrous portrait of their wondrous king, me.
King Julien: Oh-ho yes, and to get back my easel. Eh, I mean Mort.
As everyone begins walking away, Private spots a foot print.
Private: Skipper, look! The tracks.
Skipper: They’re fresh. Kowalski, analysis.
Kowalski measures and licks the tracks.
Kowalski: Reptilian in origin.
Maurice: Well hang on. We’ve seen these tracks back in Madagascar! King Julien, they must be—
Maurice is yanked upward by a tentacle.
King Julien: Oh yes, what Maurice was about to say was—not the feeeeeet!
King Julien is yanked upward by a tentacle.
Skipper: Ambush! Fall back men, fall back!
While retreating, Private and Marlene are grabbed by tentacles.
Kowalski: I’m coming, Private!
Kowalski: Marlene! (Gasps) Which one do I save? Think Kowalski, think!
Kowalski begins working out a solution on a pad of paper.
Skipper: (Disappointedly) No. Don’t think, man. Act. Let’s go, Rico!
Kowalski: Private’s part of the team. Then again, Marlene has vital information. Of course, Private does owe me five dollars.
Marlene and Private: Kowalski!
Kowalski: Nooooo! Curse you brain!
Skipper tackles Kowalski out of the way just as a tentacle descends from above.
Skipper: Kowalski, (slaps him) snap out of it, we’re under attack!
Kowalski: (Angrily) I KNOOWWWW!
Skipper: I’m not gonna lie to you boys, this situation is critical. (Noticing Rico has just jumped to the ground) Get a hold of yourself, soldier! Huh?
Rico points out the track to Skipper.
Skipper: Oh, well done Rico. Saddle up and stay low, gents. I’m on point.
The three penguins slide off, following the tracks.
Skipper: I’m not one for sappy speeches men, but the odds are that not all of us are going to make it—
Skipper is yanked away, unnoticed by Kowalski.
Kowalski: (Writing on his pad) The precise odds are one in—
Rico points out that Skipper is missing.
Rico regurgitates a wooden training sword and they move forward.
Kowalski: It’s up to us Rico, just me and… (noticing Rico is missing) and, and… me. (Scared) I can’t see, I-I-can’t think clearly, what do I do? What do I do? What do I do!?
Kowalski has a flashback to the morning’s training.
Skipper’s memory: Turn off the old think melon.
Private’s memory: Use your instincts.
Rico’s memory: Uh-huh-huh-huah.
Kowalski: (Gaining confidence) Right. My gut says to get my friends back. (Putting a blindfold on himself) Time to listen to that gut. Even though technically a gut cannot vocalize—(Angrily) I’M DOING IT AGAIN!
While blindfolded, Kowalski fights off the tentacles. After tying two together he realizes that they’re not monsters; they’re chameleons.
Skipper: Kowalski? (Sternly) Koh-wall-ski.
Kowalski: Uhm, did I… win?
Skipper: Sure, symbolically. (To a chameleon) Hey pal, a little help.
The chameleon pulls Kowalski up with the others.
Skipper: Well it turns out the hostiles are friendlies.
King Julien: Chameleons! We were crazy with them back in de Madagascar. (In a babying voice) Aren’t they the cutest little jelly beans? I just want to pinch it!
A chameleon is seen camouflaged in front of King Julien’s portrait.
Marlene: And would you look how they blend?
Private: Wicked brilliant!
King Julien: Thank you, I’ll have Maurice paint you some wallet sizes.
Maurice: (Watching the chameleons change colors) Uh, uh-huh. Yeah. Uh, okay, yeah. They’re saying that they’re sorry about grabbing us up with their tongues, and all that.
King Julien: But it was the only way they could be inviting us all to the party.
Kowalski: You speak chameleon?
Maurice: I dabble.
King Julien: And here you listen with your eyes.
Kowalski: So, it was all for… nothing?
Skipper: Not at all! You learned to listen to your gut today.
Kowalski: But my gut said the chameleons were killer carnivores.
Skipper: But you heard your gut; even if it was dead wrong. You stand tall, Kowalski.
Kowalski: Yes! My gut rocks! (Noticing three chameleons are staring at him) It’s uh, complicated.