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The All Nighter Before Christmas/Transcript

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AllNighter-Title

Scene I: Central Park Zoo

It's closing time at the zoo as the bell tolls to the tune of O Come, All Ye Faithful and all the people inculding Alice, who puts up a "Closed for Christmas" sign, leave. As Skipper watches, he tells the others.

Skipper: Gentlemen, we are a go-ho-ho.

Private: (giggles)

Marlene: I can't believe it's here!

The animals gather around.

Skipper: All right, people. Time to jangle the jingle and krios the kringles. We are T-minus 14 hours to Kidsmas.

The younger animals cheer.

Eggy: Mr. Skipper penguin, is the Kidsmas really here?

Skipper: You bet your tiny derriere.

Private: But not till morning.

Kowalski: So skedaddle those eager britches on home now.

Younger Animals: (groan as they left)

Kowalski: No peeking.

Roger: Excuse me? Hi. So Kidsmas...I'm confused. This relates to Christmas how, exactly?

Skipper: Kowalski, get the reptile up to speed.

Kowalski: (takes out a board) Well, Roger, every year, the Central Park Zoo closes from Christmas Eve to the morning of December 26th.

Private: Also known as Boxing Day.

Skipper: We're not interested in your made-up holidays, Private.

Kowalski: We take advantage of this human-free environment to throw a mondo Christmas fiesta for the animal families of Central Park, an event we like to call...

Rico: (pushes Kowalski) Kidsmas!

Kid Animals: Kidsmas!

Skipper: Tomorrow morning.

Rico groans as well as the younger animals, who leave the zoo.

Skipper: You know the drill, people. So pen those assignment cards. (The animals do so and the cards are various Christmas associated stuffs such as presents and candy cane) And let's go make this the best Kidsmas ever.

But the lemurs show up as Julien looks annoyed.'

Bing: Hey watch out.

Maurice: Excuse us. Royalty coming through.

King Julien: Hello. Who do I give a talking at if my job was stupid and lame?

Private: Lame? Children love the gingerbread house.

King Julien: Yeah, they also love finding crusty things in their own noses.

Mort: (picks up a kazoo from his nose) Mine had a kazoo. (blows kazoo)

King Julien: I am a king, I demand the most important of all the Kidsmas tasks.

Skipper: Demand denied. Kidsmas is a well-oiled machine with years of tradition. Mason always dresses up as Zoo Santa.

Mason: (dresses as Santa) Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho.

Skipper: Burt makes his famous peanut eggnog.

Burt: (to Marlene) The secret ingredient is peanuts.

Skipper: And so on, we're not swapping assignment the night before the big event. End of story.

King Julien: Oh really? What happened to the freedom of changing? What happened to the rights of the people? I thought this was France!

Maurice: America.

King Julien: No, really, I seriously thought it was France. I've been looking for some decent crepes for like three months.

Bada: (grabs Julien) Yo, hey, the little guy's got a point.

Bing: Yeah, I'm sick of doing the same job every year.

Mason: Yes, the pressure of the main leader is rather brutal.

Roger: Yeah, different.

The animals argue about their jobs.

Skipper: We're on an overnight deadline, people. There's no time to…

King Julien: (snatches the card from Skipper) YES! Let's mixy mix the Kidsmas.

Bada drops the trash on Skipper.

Skipper: Hey! (grumbles as the gorillas give the cards to the animals)

Roger: Hey, music. That's perfect to me.

Marlene: All right! I'm on decorations!

Rico: No way. Me too, look!

Phil got the same job as Rico and Marlene.

Marlene: Best committee ever. (she, Rico, and Phil high five each other)

The gorillas gave a card to Mason.

Mason: Smashing! I'm on decorations!

Kowalski: No way. Me too. Look!

Burt: Best committee ever.

King Julien: (searching for cards) No, lame. Blah, double blah. Eh, yes, yes! i will find the Christmassy tree! truly there is no job important than…

Private: Santa!

Skipper: What? Who's playing Santa?

Private: You are, Skipper. It's the last one left. You didn't even pick, and you got the most important job of all. How lucky is that?

King Julien: Most…important… (stutters)

Skipper: Me? Play the big red himself?

Private: And I'm your jolly little elf. (walks in circles, singing) Oh, little foggy pounding.

Skipper: (slaps Private) Negative. This is holiday anarchy. We go down this road, there's won't be a Kidsmas.

The young animals pop out, overhearing Skipper's rant and look sad.

Eggy: No Kidsmas?

Skipper: Hey, you weren't suppose to hear that. I'm just... (the young animals still look sad) you know what anarchy is, don't you, kids? (still sad glares from the kids) We only got one night and… (Skipper looks at Private as Private nods. Then Skipper gets himself a Santa hat) Chins up, soldiers. I've got it covered.

The animals cheered."

Marlene: We should go to total rock and roll this year, like sled jumps and flash pits, and ski punk snowmen who are like, "What's up?"

Rico: Yeah!

Mason: We should go completely Charles Dickens this year.

Kowalski: Top hats, monocles, unimpeachable etiquette.

Burt: (gasps) Kids love etiquette.

Possum Kid: See? Nothing to worry about. It's Kidsmas. Santa magic will take care of everything. (the kids exit)

Skipper: Santa magic?

The bell tolls."

Roger: It is thrilled to be on the music commitment with you guys, so let's warm up a little bit, shall we? (sits down and plays the piano) La, la, la, la, la, la.

The chameleons and gorillas join Roger on the singing. Roger is disgusted by their terrible singing.

Scene II: Office

Skipper: Private, 86 that caterwaul. (Private closes the window) Curse you, Internet. (typing on computer) 2,800 cat videos, zero useful information.

Cuts to a video of a cat hopping and meowing to the tune of"We Wish You a Merry Christmas."

Private: We wish you a meow-y Christmas. (laughs, but Skipper glares at him) I'm sorry, Skipper, but it's just one party. Do you need the real Santa magic?

Skipper: If Mr. Tub of Jolly has some sparkly mystic secret, I need to find it ASAP.

Private: Then we should ask Santa, he'd asks. (Skipper glares at Private again) Don't get up, I'll do it for you.

Skipper: Good thinking, young Private. Let's slide.

Skipper and Private slide away."

Scene III: ?

Maurice: So I'm thinking the Eastern White Pine. Or maybe you're more of a Douglas Fir guy. That's cool. (Julien sighs) Norway spruce?

King Julien: Must I (sighs) even louder for you, Maurice? It is not the flavor of the tree that is the problem. It is the not-importance of it.

Mort: I thought tree choosing was the most importantest job.

King Julien: Yeah, it was, until the frowny flat-head penguin got the better one. Now we must find the amazingest tree in the history of Kidsmas.

Maurice: You really think we can find a tree like that?

King Julien: Hey, this is New York City, baby, the capital of France. If you can't find it here, you cannot be finding it anywhere.

Mort: I will find the amazing tree, King Julien. (runs but get hit by a walking man and lands on a tree) Is this one amazing?

Scene IV: Downtown

Skipper is spying on a Santa.

Skipper: Jolly old Saint Nick in sight. Now show me your secrets, magic man.

Private: I don't understand, Skipper.

Skipper: Yes. Why the bell ringing? And a tip jar? That just seems crass.

Private: No, I mean, I don't understand why there are two of them.

Skipper: What?! (notices the other Santa) Sweet secret service. He's got a body double. That must be some primo magic he's protecting.

Private: Look! They're leaving.

The two Santas walk off.

Skipper: Blast! No time to ID which one's the phony. Private, pin the tail on the Santa bravo. I'm on the alpha Claus.

Skipper and Private slide down. Skipper tries to follow the first Santa in the sewer pipes. Private, on the other side, fell off after holding on a wheel.

Mom: Look, sweetie, it's Santa. (Skipper appears out of the baby cat, scaring the mom)

Meanwhile, the lemurs finds a Christmas tree. Mort tries to get it, but failed.

King Julien: Never mind, Mort. Your face tried, but the glass just wanted it more.

Maurice: (sighs) I'm tapped out, your majesty. We've seen real trees, fake trees…

Mort: Toilerie!

Maurice …and you keep turning up your nose at all of them.

King Julien: Because none is amazing enough to beat the Santa penguin. I need a tree that sits up, smacks your pointy face (tickles Mort and then throws him out), and says "Christmas!"

Maurice: This one says it in 17 languages.

Christmas Tree Toy: Merry Christmas. Feliz Navidad. Mele Kalikimaka me ka Hau'oli Makahiki Hou.

Mort: (gasps) I found it! The amazing tree! I know it is small and ugly, but if somebody was nice to it and loved it, it could grow up to be a beautiful swan, and that is the true meaning of Chinese New Year.

Maurice: Christmas.

Mort: What's a Christmas?

King Julien: That tree is perfect. Now the move the puny ug tree so I can get a good look at it.

Camera zooms in to a huge Christmas tree.

Maurice: Uh…

King Julien: Choppity, choppity, chopping.

Scene V: Hotel

Private is following the Santa who is at a hotel. He looks at it and decides to climb with candy canes, but they break. Private tries to hold on, and successively did.

Private: Mmm, minty.

He then see the Santa, who went to a room. Private slides to it, but Skipper appears and falls on him.

Skipper: Private! I thought I put you on Santa surveillance duty.

Private: I was, Skipper. He went in there.

Skipper: Impossible. My Santa went in there. Why even have a body double if you're just gonna hang out in the same room?

Private: About that, isn't it a bit fishy that Santa's just strolling about on Christmas Eve with no reindeer or sleigh? And he's using an elevator?!

Skipper: Both fakes? Then how are those two phony papa noels in to this mysterious disappearance?

Private: Wait, Santa disappeared?

Skipper You haven't seen him, have you?

Private: Well, no, but… (gasps) you don't think -

Skipper: No! I act, with maximum force. kicks the door) Initiate takedown protocol foxtrot, Private. You get the first one. I'll handle…

Skipper stopped to discover that the room is full of men dressed as Santa. They all stare at Skipper and Private..

Skipper: Oh, sugar plums.

Ends act 1.

Act 2 begins.

Private: Skipper?

Skipper: Wind-up monkey misdirect. Execute. (makes cymbals sound. Then Private does the same)

Streetcorner Santa #1: Oh-ho, cute toys. You know where I could pick up a couple for my kid?

Scene VI: Central Park Zoo

Roger: OK, I'll take the lead; you'll take the ostinato. (the chameleons blinked their eyes, looking clueless) The ding-dongs.

Chameleons: Ding, dong, ding, dong...

Roger: Here comes the bells, I hear the bells, (piano clanging is heard) that's not the bells… What is going on here? (sees the gorillas playing with the piano) Ah, excuse me, fellas. We're on kind of a tight schedule here, and I…


Bing: So shut it, already. We're trying to write a Kidsmas tune here.

Bada: Hey, yo, Bing, you got a rhyme for "yellow snow?"

Roger: OK, how about…what?? (the gorillas grunt) Backing off.

Meanwhile, Rico makes a snowman with a guitar.

Marlene: Rock and roll, Rico. Just a few hours till daylight, and the zoo's only halfway decorated.

Mason: Pardon me, I was just…

Phil, Marlene, Mason and Kowalski all stare at each other, knowing that they have the exact same job. The bell tolls and camera zooms in to three rock and roll snowmen and several carolers.

Marlene: Uh, guys, what are you doing?

Mason: Our jobs, obviously.

Kowalski: Decorating in 19th century Dickensian Regalia.

He and Mason vow.

Marlene: Whoa, whoa. OK, first, we're the decorations committee. Second, uh, Dickens? Yeah. Did you get a visit from the ghost of Christmas "been there, done that?"

Mason: No, no, no. We are the decorations committee, and at least our ideas didn't come from the pages of Winter Hooligan Monthly.

Rico: (while reading the previously said magazine) Hey! How did he know that?

Marlene: Hmm, I guess we were all supposed to work together, huh?

Kowalski: No problem. We clear your junk out in no time.

Rico slaps Kowalski and grumbles.

Kowalski: I said humbug to you, sir. Humbug. Humbug. Hum-bug!

Marlene: Guys, guys, obviously there's a difference in styles here, but come on. It's Christmas. There's nothing we can't fix with a little peace, love, and togetherness.

Rico: You know what? I'm sorry. (mumbles)

Kowalski: Tut-tut, old bean. Thinking nothing of it.

Marlene: Aw, great. OK, so how do we could solve it?

Kowalski: Let's say…elephant rules.

Marlene: Uh, OK. What are elephant rules?

Burt: (destroying the snowmen; singing to the tune of Jingle Bells) Smashing stuff with Burt's big heinie, squash, squash, squash, squash, squash.

Marlene, Rico, and Phil gasp in disgust

Burt: Cheerio.

Marlene: Rico, my man, this otter's about to join the naughty list.

Rico laughs evilly and chokes up a chainsaw and use it on the sleigh.

Kowalski: Not the sleigh! (gets hit by a snowball) Hey!

Scene VII: Hotel

Streetcorner Santa #1: Hey, not a bad charity haul this year. Merry Christmas, guys.

Streetcorner Santas: Merry Christmas!

One Santa notices that a candy cane is crawling to the door.

Streetcorner Santa #3: "Huh? (gets slapped by Private)

Speak and Spell: Where is Santa Claus?

'Streetcorner Santa #3: Is this some kind of a joke? Esposito, is that you?

Private: Do we really have time for conspiracies, Skipper? You promised the children the zoo would be ready for Kidsmas.

Skipper: Santa magic, Private. We get that, and we're walking in a winter wonderland.

Speak and SpellL Where are you anti-Yule radicals holding Santa and his magic?

Streetcorner Santa #3: Hey, seriously, where am I?

Speak and Spell: You are on the bus to Pain-slyania. Ha, ha, ha! (crack noise)

Scene VIII: Downtown

The people run away as the giant away falls down on the Channel 1 News van.

Mort: I'm a lumberjack. Argh, matey.

Julien is heard laughing as the truck's engine starts.

Streetcorner Santa #2: Hey, somebody's stealing the big tree. Not in my city, pal.

The Santas including the tied one leave the hotel.

King Julien: Yes, look at their faces. Punch it.

Julien drove off past Chuck Charles.

Chuck Charles: This is Chuck Charles, and my van just been stolen along with the city's Christmas tree.

Camerman: Uh, Chuck, without the van, we're not really broadcasting anything.

Chuck Charles: I know, but I am no longer able to speak in a normal voice.

The Santas go after the van and landing on the tree, expect for the last Santa, who just fall down.

Skipper: The real Santa must have escaped, and the impostors are trying to haul him back in. Execute mobile rescue op.

Private: But, Skipper, the zoo, Kidsmas.

Private: Follow the magic, Private. (in the background, the last Santa is seen hopping to the van) Remember the winter wonderland plan.

Scene IX: Central Park Zoo

The animals are having a snowball fight.

Rico: Uh huh.

Marlene: Ooh, good plan. What did he say?

Rico throws Marlene, causing her to be hit by three snowballs.

Rico: Pow, pow, pow!

Rico, Marlene, and Phil join throwing snowballs.

Mason: We're losing more Plywood men by the second.

Kowalski: Hold your ground! We all knew there could be causalities! (gets hit by a snowball) They got Tiny Tim.

Mason: You may strike our decorations, but you shall never conquer the spirit of Charles Dickens. (get hits by snowball)

Kowalski: And his razor-brimmed top hat! (throws hat to the snowman)

Mason: Actually, I don't believe Dickens had a razor-brimmed hat.

Kowalski: Learn your history, chimp.

Scene X: Downtown

Julien is shown driving the van as police sirens are heard and the Santas are trying to get back the tree.

King Julien: Dashing throughout the street,
I think it's pretty neat,
That we scored the best Christmas tree.
Hey, penguins, you can eat it!
Julien, Julien, you really are too much.

Mort: It's time the feet let off the gas
And step on me, the clutch.

Julien notices that he being chased by polices.

King Julien: Ah! We're being high-speed chased.

Mort: Quick, more clutch.

Julien drives faster as the cops are still after him. The last Santa's grip is too weak, causing him to land on one of the police's windshield and send him stuck in the chimney. As the police chase continues, another Santa is send flying off to the the garbage,while Skipper and Private land on the tree. Skipper attacks the second to last Santa standing. Private try to get off the last Santa on the van, but get hit on the traffic light.

Skipper: Impostor dispatched. Now let's go rescue the genuine one and only Santa.

Mort: Santa?

Skipper: Ringtail?

Maurice: Santa! (notices one more Santa getting to the tree)

King Julien: Tree!

Streetcounter Santa #2: Animals?

Private: Confused.

Mort: Potato!

King Julien: Abandon van. We must save the tree.

The last Santa try to drive the van, but get terrified.

Skipper: What in the name of good King Wenceslas are you…

Skipper, Private, and the lemurs are send flying.

Scene XI: Central Park Zoo

It's already morning at the zoo and the young animals enters only to find out that the zoo is a mess.

Mama Duck: Are you sure we're not too early?

The chimpanzees, Marlene, Rico, and Kowalski are throwing snowballs and fall off. Marlene landed in front of the kids.

Marlene: Welcome to our Kidsmas Winter Fun-Derland.

Kowalski: (lands on Marlene) Asooth, the lass doth mean our Dickensian celebration off --

Rico: (lands on Kowalski and Marlene) Ah! Party!

Mama Duck: You know what? Maybe we'll just come back on a different holiday.

Marlene: No, no, it's OK. Really, really. We got big fun ahead. I mean, we got music.

Chameleons: Ding dong ding dong!

The kids scream.

Marlene: And games, we got games.

Joey: Who wants first go at the Santa Piñata? (hits the Santa's head, causing the kids to freak out even more)

Mama Duck We're leaving.

Kowalski: Wait. We haven't even decorated the Christmas tree yet.

The Christmas tree with the lemurs, Skipper, and Private land to the zoo. The pine almost attacks the possum.

Possum: Uh, I'd like to go home ow.

The young animals leave.

Skipper: Eh, what?

The animals are arguing over the mess they cause.

Skipper: Somebody want to tell me what in the Jack Frost is going on here?!

Kowalski: Well, Skipper, it seems some people don't appreciate the finer decorating arts.

Marlene: And some people are suffering from chronic boring disorder.

Rico: Oh, snap!

King Julien: And some people wrecked my completely awesome Christmassy tree.

Maurice: You were one of those people.

King Julien: I was deliberately being vague.

The animals argue again.

Skipper: Well, fa-fa-fa-fa-fa, boo-hoo-boo. Didn't I warn you people? I can't leave you alone for one night without a…Huh?

Eggy: You said this would be the best Kidsmas. You promised.

Rico: Oh, man.

Kowalski: We…we ruined Kidsmas.

Skipper: No, I'm the Santa here. This was on my watch. What have I done?

Then, all of a sudden, the real Santa Claus show up at the zoo.

Santa Claus: Well, for starters, you roughed up a dozen of my deputies and helped wrecked the word's most famous Christmas tree. And I thought I had a busy night. Hey, Julien.

King Julien: Sup, baby? (to Marlene) Yeah, we go way back.

Skipper: Santa? Real Santa? Those dime store phony Clauses work for you?

Santa Claus: They do the charity work. I deliver the toys. Works out great when they're not being karate chopped off a speeding Christmas tree.

Private: We're sorry, Santa. We didn't mean to make such a mess of things.

Skipper: All I wanted was a tiny taste of that real Santa magic.

Santa Claus: Santa magic? But, Skipper, you had that from the beginning.

Skipper: Really? Then how I did use --

Santa Claus: What am I, your guidance counselor? I got to haul toys to seven more time zones. Trust me, you'll figure it out. (leaves the zoo)

Private: What do you suppose he meant? You had it from the beginning?

Skipper: The beginning. I don't--of course!

Kowalski: Skipper?

Skipper: Santa magic…coursing through veins. Feels gingerbready. Follow my lead, people. And can I get some holiday music here?

Roger: That would be perfect, expect that we haven't practiced as much as we--

Bada: Yo, absolutely. (plays piano)

Skipper: Santa magic says try it in "G."

Bada does so and begins the musical number.

Bada: It's Christmas day, but you're feeling low with the cold gray skies and the yellow snow

Bing: Something, something, something, ga-ba, ga-ba, go

Bada: But I'll tell you about one thing you gotta know.

Bada and Bing: It ain't perfect, but it's Christmas. So what if you didn't get all your Christmas wishes? There ain't another day that a better one than this is. Cause, kid, it ain't perfect. Yo, but it's still Christmas.

Private: So Santa skipped the best things that were on your list.

Skipper: But, soldier, tell that frown to cease and desist.

Marlene: You know where to look, you'll find Christmas Bliss.

King Julien: Oh, that's pretty. We'll sing it one more time. Maybe you will catch the gist. (laughs; get hit by a tree)

Animals: It ain't perfect, but it's Christmas.

King Julien: Yes.

Animals: So what if things…

Mort: Had a few minor glitches?

Roger: Just clean up the mess and help your mom with the dishes.

Skipper: Cause, kids…

Animals: It ain't perfect, yo, but it's still Christmas, Christmas, Christmas, Christmas. Christmas!

Skipper: Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho.

Private: You really did it. You found the Santa magic. What was the secret?

Skipper: No secret, Private. Big Red was right. We had to get bad to where this all started: trying to make some kids happy for Christmas.

Private: That's it? Santa magic's just making people happy?

Skipper: Yeah, seems to work for that guy.

Scene XII: Downtown

The people are seeing Santa at downtown as he magically put the giant tree back where it's belongs.

Scene XIII: Central Park Zoo

Santa flies across the zoo.

Eggy: Merry Christmas, Mr. Skipper penguin.

Skipper: And to all a good night.

Mort: Potato!

Episode ends with the message Merry Christmas.


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