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Scene I: Penguin HQ
At HQ, Skipper is having his coffee while Kowalski is performing an experiment. He slowly brings a piece of glowing rock to a beaker.
Kowalski: Easy, Kowalski, easy...you don't want this stuff going kaboom!
Off screen, Private yells out scared and races to Kowalski.
Private: (shaking Kowalski) Shoe! I need a shoe!!
His shaking causes Kowalski to drop the glowing rock into the beaker. This causes an explosion and knocks both of them into the wall, both soot covered. Private recovers rather quickly, but Kowalski has been knocked out. Private races to Skipper
Private: A shoe! Shoe! Get me a shoe!
Skipper: (firm) Private. We go barefoot. You know that!
Private races to Rico.
Private: (shaking him) A shooooeee!!!
Rico regurgitates a flip-flop. Private shakes his head "no".
Rico: (tosses it away, something breaks offscreen) All right, hold on...
He reguritates a slipper. Private again shakes his head. Rico tosses that shoe away, again breaking something, and regurgitates a high-heeled shoe.
Private: NO! Those won't do at all!! (going offscreen) No! No time!
As Skipper takes a sip of his coffee, Private, now cleaned up, comes out with a bazooka launcher.
Private: Fire in the hole!
He aims and fires at something. An explosion occurs.
Skipper: Private. Before you unleash another fireball of destruction, tell me just what are you shooting at?!
Private: (pointing) HIIIM!!!
(Above the TV is the insect he needed to get rid of: a cockroach)
Roach 1: Buh-ro! That was (standing up) brotacular!
Private: See?! A filthy cockroach has infiltrated our lair! Ooohhh...it gives me the willies!
Kowalski, who had recovered earlier, directs his attention to another cockroach crawling on the door.
Kowalski: Oh, it's not just one.
Roach 2: 'Sup, brotunda?
Private screams and falls down to find a third cockroach.
Roach 3: Not roaches, dude. Broaches.
Private again screams in fright. He backs into the bottom bunk.
Private: They're everywhere! Spreading disease and pestilence! Ohhh...
Private turns to see the roaches sliding off Rico's flippers.
Private: (confused) They're playing with Rico?
Roach 3: Rico's our bro, bro!
Rico: (low fives one of the roaches) Hi!
Skipper: (approaching him) Rico, you know these (pointing to the roaches) tiny pests?
Rico: Hmm...uh huh.
Roach 1: Check it! We were just broing out behind our dumpster.
Roach 2: Then there was this major bromotion.
Roach 3: We were all "Scatter! It's the brolice!"
Roach 1: But it was the Rico-bro-rito!
Roach 2: And brojam's been partying every night since!
Roach 3: Partying 'till dawn! With bro-pants on! Whoooo!
...to be continued...