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Scene I: Penguin HQ
- Skipper: (The penguins are lined up in the HQ. Kowalski is wearing a nightcap and Rico is holding a teddy. Skipper has tired, bloodshot eyes.) Men, we live as a unit, we fight as a unit and we sleep as a unit. (Yawns) It's been a rough week. In the battle for shut eye. (Kowalski and Rico fall asleep and bump into each other, startling them awake again)
- Kowalski: (Sighs) The lemur auditory assault has been merciless! (Rico squeezes his teddy and mutters menacingly)
- Skipper: But tonight, it's dose or die. Arm yourselves for lights out. (Rico regurgitates a night cap and hops up into his bunk. Kowalski jumps into his bunk, sets an alarm clock and tosses it away. Skipper jumps into his bunk and slams a frying pan on his head, to the puzzlement of the other penguins)
- Kowalski: Uh, nightcap, Skipper?
- Skipper: Good point. Warm milk puts me out like a teeny, tiny little baby.
- Kowalski: I mean, that's not your nightcap. That is. (Skipper's nightcap is seen burning on the stove top, and Skipper saves it, blowing the smoke off of it)
- Skipper: Okay. Maybe I'm not 100% sleep-shape, shipwise. (Puts the nightcap on and briefly falls asleep, and pushes a button, turning off the lights)
- Intercom Voice: Commencing Lights Out Protocol. (Skipper soon sees an empty bunk)
- Skipper: Whoa-whoa-whoa! Where's the Private?
Scene II: Central Park
- Performer Woman: (Acting in Shakespeare play with Private watching) For my kind offer, when I make courtesy, bid me farewell. (Bows, and the audience applauds)
- Private: Oh, bravo, bravo! (Central Park Zoo bell is heard, and Private gasps) Lights out! (Private heads back for the zoo)
Scene III: Penguin HQ
- Private: (Slides back into his habitat, and makes it inside before the food bowl locks it up, and Private lands on Skipper) Reporting, Skipper. Sorry, I was--
- Skipper: Fraternizing with the enemy! Is that it, Private? They finally flipped on us?
- Private: No, Skipper, never. See, the play's the thing. I was--(Skipper smacks him with the frying pan)
- Skipper: SAVE IT! I'll ring the answers out of you in the AM! Now hit the buns! (Throws Private in bed, and gets into his bed)
- Private: (To Kowalski) What's up with Skipper? He seems a bit crabby and paranoid...I mean, you know...more than usual.
- Kowalski: Lemur Party-Induced Chronic Insomnia! Commonly known as 'LPICI'. At least by me. Earlier tonight, he spent an hour interrogating the coffee machine.
- Skipper: (To the coffee machine) Give me your dark beany secrets!
- Private: (Facing Skipper) Oh, Skipper. Good night, sweet prince, and flights of angels--
- Skipper: BUTTON IT, PRIVATE!!! (Falls asleep)
- Intercom Voice: 10:00 PM. Lights out. (Lights turn completely off) Seriously.
Scene IV: Lemur Habitat
- King Julien: (Stands on his boombox) Turn up the clocks! I declare Lemur-morial Day's infestivities open for partying!
- Mort: OOH, LET ME! (Turns on the music, and the music plays loudly)
Scene V: Penguin HQ/Lemur Habitat (flashbacks)
- Skipper: (The volume of the Lemurs' music is so loud, it knocks Skipper & the others out of bed) Sweet and sour meatballs! Don't those lemurs ever sleep? Kowalski, review recent boombox countermeasures.
- Kowalski: (Takes out clipboard) Let's see. Monday, asked nicely to turn music down...
- Skipper: (The Lemurs dance as Skipper suddenly appearing from behind the wall in the background shouting over the music) BE QUIET!!!
- King Julien: (Continually dancing) Hey, this is New York, the city that never sleeps!
- Skipper: (Shouting over the music) BECAUSE OF YOU!!!
- Kowalski: Tuesday, gave dirty looks...
- (The Lemurs dancing while the Penguins stand, throwing dirty looks at the Lemurs, Kowalski nudges Private to give dirty looks after he was dancing to the beat)
- Kowalski: Wednesday, blasted penguin mating calls, full volume...
- (Kowalski is holding the giant speaker, blasting mating calls at the Lemurs, which are being partially drowned out by the Lemurs' boombox, Maurice seems a bit uncomfortable hearing the mating calls while the other lemurs are perfectly fine)
- Kowalski: No effect, at least, not on lemurs.
- Rico: (Moves up to Kowalski) Ooh, How you doin'?
- Skipper: Recommendations for next move?
- Private: (Reciting Shakespeare) To be, or NOT to be, THAT is the question--
- Skipper: We need action, not waffling! Rico! (Rico straps Private to a medieval torture device, and groans wildly) I like the way you think, soldier.
- Kowalski: Perhaps we should try diplomacy. The art of solving disputes by negotiation and/or non-military means. (Private nods in agreement)
- Skipper: Mm-hmm, yeah. Why don't we just have a quilting bee while we're at it?
- Kowalski: I know it goes against every bone in your thermal-regulated body, Skipper, but the diplomatic approach has been known to work...except when it doesn't. (Frees Private from the torture device)
- Skipper: (Yawns) Alright. Anything to get a few dozen winks...
Scene VI: Zooviners Shop
Scene VII: Zoo
Scene VIII: Penguin HQ
Scene IIX: Zooviners Shop
Scene IX: Central Park
Scene X: Zooviners
Scene XI: Central Park
THE END OF THE EPISODE