Doctor: There you are, now please hold still this won't hurt at all
Skipper: This is just a routine visit to the doctor. Turn and cough, boys. Turn and cough.
Skipper: That's a big Needle!
Skipper: Think again, Doctor Deranged! I don't do needles.
Skipper: Gentlemen, had this had been an actual tennis ball machine uprising, we would've lost. Game, set, match.
Skipper: Kowalski, options. Kowalski: We'll need a diversion. I suggest releasing the spider monkeys. Bedlam is their middle name. Skipper: They never disappoint. Kowalski: Amid the chaos, we escape through the south entrance. Skipper: Good. And then? Kowalski: Then we get jobs as holiday store displays. When we've earned enough money, we build a new secret lair, one with laser beams. Private: Ooh, laser beams!
Mason: Phil, I don't know how to break this to you: There is no checkmate in checkers. [Phil signs angrily. Mason gasps] You groom your mother with those hands!
Kowalski: The point is, fear of medical professionals is completely unwarranted. Yes, the benefits to one's health and personal well being are much too important... Alice: Looks like you penguins are due for a visit to the dentist. Kowalski: The dentist? Aaaaah! [Runs away] Private: But we don't have teeth.
Private: I don't mean to be cheeky, but why'd the doctor have to give the shots in the bum? Kowalski: Our fleshy buttocks make ideal distribution points for injected medicines. Ugh! Unfortunately.
Private: Skipper, what are you doing here? Skipper: Saving you from saving me. Private: But really, I don't mind having another shot. I can always...turn the other cheek. He-he! Skipper: You'll mind if it makes you sick. Or worse. Private: How worse? Skipper: You know, the chimps didn't say. I assumed you'll grow a second head or something. Private: I don't want a second head! Skipper: Then hurry, man! The doc will be here any second. [Skipper tosses Private towards the window, but misses and he hits the wall; Private then climbs up to the window and turns to Skipper] Private: You know Skipper, none of us think any less of you for being afraid. Skipper: Well, I do. That fear almost hurt a friend. Now get out of here, soldier.
Private: I'm sorry, Skipper. Skipper: Don't be sorry, Private. Be alert. You never know when our enemies will strike... [Suddenly, cages drop on the penguins] Skipper: What the ham steak? Private: Um, Skipper, is this still part of the drill?
Skipper: [as Kowalski goes to get his shot] Be strong, Kowalski. Kowalski: [Gets his shot] Good Galileo Galile-EEEEEEEEEE! Skipper: The man's a butcher.
Kowalski: There is no reason to fear the doctor. Private: Except for his needle, and its slow burn of pain that... [Kowalski glares at Private] Private: ... that's not as bad as it seems.