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Scene I: New York Streets

Skipper: Skipper's log. The skeptics were wrong. We can build a thermo-nuclear sardine tin. [zoom out to the entire car, showing Kowalski and Private panicking] We just can't control it.

Kowalski: Seventy-eight seconds until spontaneous detonation, Skipper.

[cut to Private, who whimpers and tries backing away from Kowalski and the sardine tin]

Rico steps on the gas as they speed down the street. He notices something as he's driving and stops the car. Rico throws the car in reverse and stops in front of posters advertising Princess Miss Perky.

Private: Ooh, there's a new Princess Miss Perky line...fancy!

Skipper slaps Private
Skipper: Eighty-six to dolly dress up daydreams! This can's about to fire up like vicious barbecue. Now punch it!

Rico: Okay!
Rico swerves the car around and drives in the other direction.

Private: Where is he taking us?

Rico: Dolly! Dolly!

Kowalski: I would say to the nearest toy store stocked with Princess Miss Perky merchandise.

Kowalski glances at the sardine tin which now reads 39 seconds remaining.

Kowalski: I would also say AHHHH we're all going to die in a fiery sardine explosion! 

[Kowalski panics as his voice gets higher and higher]

Skipper: Commandeer that steering wheel!

Each penguins tries to grab the steering wheel as Rico babbles angrily and slaps them away, the car swerving out of control. Rico turns around and engages in a slap fight with Kowalski while his rear steers the car. Skipper tries tackling Rico, but Rico dodges and sharply turns the car down another street. Kowalski loses his grip on the sardine tin, and it flies out of the car, but Skipper narrowly catches it before it hits the ground.

Skipper: You dolly crazed maniac! This can goes, we all go with it!

Rico: I don't care!
Rico swerves the car again, and Skipper flies out of the car. Kowalski catches Skipper by the foot as Skipper repeatedly hits his head on the road.

Private: Rico! I know what it's like to want the latest accessories for your plastic friend, but if you look in your heart-

Rico regurgitates a payphone, and it lands on Private, knocking him out of the car. Rico skids to a halt in front of a toy store as Kowalski's still holding on to Skipper. Private bounces and slams against the car as the payphone rams into him again.

Payphone: Unable to make call. Please hang up and try again.

Rico: [sings] Dolly! Dolly!

The sardine tin reaches zero and starts beeping. Skipper and Kowalski look at each other. Private gasps and covers his head. Rico smiles at the toy store.

[Cut to a view of the city. An explosion illuminates the city and a ring of smoke drifts up resembling a fish.]

Scene II: The Penguin Habitat

[Rico is in a punishment box while a heavily bandaged Skipper paces in front of him]

Skipper: Soldier, I've always seen your devil-made psychosis as a good thing.

Rico laughs embarrassed.

[cut to a heavily bandaged Kowalski trying to pull a sardine out of a heavily bandaged Private's ear, then Kowalski shakes a small pile of sardines out of his ear.]

Skipper: But today, fueled by a deadly dose of dolly desire, you put the entire unit at risk!

Private: Um, question. Why are we still, you know, alive then?

Skipper: Well, that's Kowalski's science for you. The invention that's supposed to level a five mile radius is the only one that doesn't.

[Cut to Kowalski, who crosses his arm and pouts.]

Skipper: Rico! It is the judgment of this court martial that you be placed on probation. [Skipper pulls out a jar filled with a few marbles.] Marble Jar Probation.

Rico: Uh...what?

Kowalski: Every time you demonstrate good behavior, a marble goes in the jar. Ding-ding-ding-ding-ding! And every time you behave badly, a marble comes out. Wah-waah. Fill the whole jar and you earn the ultimate reward! Skipper! Tell him what he's won!

Skipper: [unrolls an advertisement poster.] The Complete Princess Miss Perky Accessory Line! Even the sparkly party puff.

[Rico oohs]

Private: What?? Because Rico's been bad, he gets a reward for just not being bad?

Skipper: That's America, baby.

Rico babbles indignantly and turns up his beak.

Skipper: Insubordination, eh? Well, buh-bye marble!

Skipper takes a marble out and chucks it away.

Rico: But!

Skipper unrolls the advertisement for Princess Miss Perky in front of Rico.

Rico: [sighs in resignation] I'll be good.

Skipper smiles and throws a marble in the jar.

Rico: Yayy!

[cut to Private making a card house.]

Rico dives onto it, laughing, while Private looks at him angrily. Rico's face falls when Skipper takes a marble out of the jar. Rico regurgitates cards to make an even bigger house.

Rico: [to Private] Sorry.

Skipper smiles and puts the marble back in the jar.

[cut to the marble jar which shows the number of marbles growing from a few marbles to 1/4 of the jar filled.]

Scene III: The Park

[Kowalski is carrying a picnic basket and opens it excitedly.]

Rico pops out, shaking a mouthful of fish around, having eaten all the fish. The other three penguins look at him disapprovingly.

Skipper takes a marble out of the jar. Rico regurgitates a single fish, then another couple. When Skipper's still not satisfied, Rico regurgitates the rest of the fish. Skipper smiles and puts the marble back in the jar.

[cut to the marble jar which shows the number of marbles growing from 1/4 of the jar to 1/3 of the jar filled.]

Scene IV: The Garage

[Rico is working under the car while Private stands with the jar of marbles.]

Private: ...So then, Princess Self-Respectra tells Prince Shares-a-lot, 'No matter how small, always give your all.' You know, things really are more true when they rhyme.

Rico slides out from under the car, slaps Private, and slides back under. Private gasps and takes a marble out of the jar. Kowalski and Skipper are standing there unimpressed. They each put a marble into the jar and walk off

Private: Oh!

Kowalski comes back, puts another marble into the jar, and walks off.

Private: Ohh!

Skipper returns, takes the marble Private was holding, and puts it back in the jar. Skipper then slaps Private and walks off.

Private: Oh!

Scene V: The Penguin Habitat

[cut to the marble jar.]

Kowalski: Halfway full already! Ding-ding-ding-ding-ding!

Skipper: Hey, that's some excellent marble progress, soldier.

Rico: Thank you.

Private: And such good manners! [puts a marble in the jar.]

Rico: Ah, thank you. [bows]

Private: And you're very welcome for that. [puts another marble in the jar.]

Rico: And, a-th-th-th-th-th-th-th-thank you. [takes a deeper bow.]

Private: Ooooh, with a flourish! [reaches to put another marble in the jar.]

Skipper slaps Private.

Skipper: Stop milking it.

Suddenly, an advertisement comes on TV. Rico's mouth drops as he turns to watch it.

TV advertisment: [sings] ---Princess, Princess Miss Perky~ So many shiny new things you should buy~ Your regular Miss Perky looks like garbage now~

[cut to Rico, clearly losing control in his excitement as he babbles incoherently.]

Skipper: Dolly tantrum incoming!

Skipper, Private, and Kowalski run to try and hold back Rico. Rico regurgitates a bomb and grenade which explode as he fights off the other three. He tries hugging the TV screen before Kowalski and Skipper pry him off. The three penguins restrain Rico as he spits up multiple explosives in his frenzy.

Julien jumps down the hatch with a measuring cup as the penguins are still struggling.

Julien: Hello neighbors! I was just dropping by to borrow a cup of money.

Julien notices the TV advertisement for Princess Miss Perky and gasps.

Skipper:[still struggling to hold Rico] The commercial, Private! Don't let him see any more!

Julien: Hold on, wait a minute, that dolly lady [points to Rico's Miss Perky propped up against the wall] is really [looks at the Princess Miss Perky on the TV screen] a princess?

Private turns off the TV

Skipper: Ringtail, get outta here!

Rico vomits a bomb at Julien's feet. He quickly runs up the ladder as it explodes.


[Cut to outside the habitat where Maurice and Mort are waiting. Julien shoots out of the hole.]

Maurice: No luck on the cup of money?

Mort: King Julien is always lucky. [He grabs the cup and looks inside.] Maybe it is invisible money. Hooray! I'm sneaky rich.

Julien: Something is fishy down there.

Mort: Is it a fish?

Julien: Yes, but something is also strange down there. We must learn more of this Perky Princess lady.

Scene VI: Alice's office

Maurice and Mort push a big bowl of fruit for Mason and Phil.

Mason: Well, your gratuity is accepted.

Julien: No no, it is a bribe. I thought we were clear on this point.

Mason sighs.

Mason: Yes. Proceed with the internet search, Phil. Keywords: Princess, Miss, and Perky.

Computer screen: Not long ago, in the fabulous land of Glamourtonia, Princess Miss Perky stepped out of Glitter Pink Castle.

The lemurs push Phil from his seat and watch. Julien's jaw drops.

Mort: Why would she ever leave Glamourtonia? It looks so pink and pretty and plastic.

Julien: No, Mort. This princess did not leave Glamourtonia. She was taken by---drama music ready---the penguins! Dum-duh-duh-duh!

Mort: Whyyy, penguins?!

Julien: Clearly, they abducted her to get the royal ransom.

Maurice: You stopped making sense about an hour back, man.

Julien: Ohh, or does it make so much sense, it hurts your face?! If we rescue this Perky Princess and return her to Glamourtonia, I will be rewarded with her hand in marriage and half the kingdom. You know, as they do.

Mort: Oh, if you are a double king, will you grow double the feet? I'm just asking for, eh, reasons.

Julien steps on Mort and kicks him away.

Julien: Maurice, fetch my noble questing pants. With the stripes.

Scene VII: The Penguin Habitat

Rico is fixing the cracks in the wall he made.

Skipper: Outstanding post-rage clean up, compadre. Sure you can't take a break for our Tuesday night card game?

Rico: Nah, [Rico says he needs to finish the job and tells them to go on ahead.]

Skipper: [puts a marble in the jar] That one's for stick-to-itiveness. Alright Marlene, you're in.

Marlene hops down the hatch.

Marlene: Ooh, yeah!

Marlene follows them into the other room and closes the door.

As Rico stares thoughtfully at another crack in the wall by the entrance, Julien, Maurice, and Mort hop down the hatch in their rescue gear with a battle cry, knocking over Rico.

Julien: [points a banana at Rico] Oh ho! Back, scoundrel! I've come to rescue your princess lady! You know, the one over yon.

Rico: What??

Rico looks over at Miss Perky propped up against the wall. He slides over to her and stands in front of her protectively. He babbles angrily.

[Cut to the other room, where the Skipper, Kowalski, Private, and Marlene are sitting around a table with a card on each forehead and a hand of cards.]

Kowalski: Stomp the Wombat, Bangladeshi rules, Ninth degree punishment.

Marlene: [laughs] That's hilarious. I understood zero parts of that.

Skipper: Then I hope you have a high pain tolerance.

Marlene: I guess it's about average for, you know, for a dainty gal like---wait, what?

[Rico's babbling can be heard from the other room.]

Skipper: Now, keep it down out there, soldier! Don't make me take away a marble for card game interference.

[cut to the lemurs closing in on Rico, who's backing away with Miss Perky behind him.]

Rico regurgitates a flamethrower and fires at the lemurs, who duck.

Julien: Whoa! A fire-belching dragon!

Julien picks up Mort and uses him as a shield.

[cut to the other room]

Skipper: That better not be flamethrowing I hear. Marbles, Rico!

[cut to Rico who sighs]

Rico: Aww...

Rico throws away the flamethrower.

Julien: Forsooth! What-ho! [throws a banana at Rico, who ducks.] The old fancy talk!

Rico regurgitates a crowbar, throws it away, then regurgitates a pillow he uses to block Maurice's durian spear and Julien's banana, pushing them back.

Mort screams his battle cry and throws his pineapple javelin, which hits Rico on the head, causing him to lose hold of Miss Perky. Rico yelps in pain and quickly puts his flipper over his beak, embarrassed. Miss Perky lands in Maurice's arms.

Maurice: I got her, your majesty!

Julien: Then flee like the mighty cowards we are!

The lemurs quickly retreat the habitat.

Rico stares at the now empty room and starts hyperventilating. He starts yelling gibberish at the ceiling as he loses control.

[cut to the other room where Skippers throws down his hand of cards.]

Skipper: Ah, Rico! What is going on out-

Rico crashes down the door and runs around the room yelling, flipping tables, throwing crates, and demolishing the whole room in his frenzy. He shakes the jar of marbles spilling marbles everywhere, chucks it against the wall, and runs out of the room.

Skipper: He's gone marble rogue! Pursue and Restrain!

Skipper, Kowalski, Rico, and Marlene try following, but they slip on the marbles and fall.

Scene VIII: The Toy Store

Rico chases after the lemurs and Miss Perky as they run into the toy store. Rico pounds against the window and babbles frantically in his tantrum. The lemurs flee toward a Miss Perky castle.

Julien: Ah, there! To the pink castle! We are almost there! [He skids to a halt in front of a row of Miss Perky dolls] Huh? Oh, uh, Carlotta? Haha...hello...This is not at all awkward. know what, I kinda got business...I'll call you later. Okay-kay? [whispers to Maurice] I'm never gonna call her later.

Rico appears and chases after them, babbling angrily. The lemurs run into the castle

Julien: Defend the castle, my loyal replaceables. I must negotiate with the local constabulary.

Mort and Maurice nervously bring up the drawbridge.

[Cut to inside the castle, where Julien is sitting with Miss Perky.]

Julien: Okay, her hand in marriage and half the kingdom. This is my final offer.

[zoom back to see Julien is talking to a prince doll who stares back at Julien and says nothing.]

Julien: I see you are also a shrewd bargainer.

Rico slides to the castle and pauses in front of the moat. He tries jumping across and bounces off the drawbridge, landing in the moat. Realizing the moat was fake, Rico runs across and wildly punches the castle walls.

Maurice and Mort are watching from the top of the castle.

Maurice: So what's the castle defense system? We got any boiling oil or something to pour on him?

Mort: Oh, I found some glitter! [he shakes the glitter on Rico.] Happy birthday, invader!

Rico ignores the glitter and regurgitates a sledgehammer he uses to pound against the door.

Julien: I know, I know. Times are hard. Tell you what, keep her hand in marriage and I will take fifty-eleven percent of the kingdom. Hm? [the prince doll just stares at Julien, making him mad.] You got to give to get, man!

Rico succeeds in knocking down the door.


Julien panics and uses the prince as a shield. Rico leaps forward and tears off the Prince's arms, bites off the Prince's legs, decapitates the Prince, and chucks the head away.

Maurice: Now that's just disturbing.

Rico uses one of the legs to try and club Julien repeatedly. Rico growls and waves the detached leg

Rico: You're next!

Julien: [quietly] Here you go.

Julien pushes the doll toward Rico who takes her and walks off.

Julien: [to the decapitated Prince's head] See, now that's how you negotiate.

Rico walks out of the castle with Miss Perky to find the other penguins waiting for him.

Rico: Oh, uh...

Skipper: It's alright, amigo. We saw the whole thing. Your use of violence was entirely justified. And delightfully entertaining. [Skipper chuckles]

Rico looks sadly at the now empty marble jar.

Skipper: Sorry, old friend. But rules are still rules. No reward until the jar is full of marbles.

Rico regurgitates some dynamite which blow up a row of marbles on the top shelf. The marbles rain down, filling the jar.

Skipper: Everyone good with a technicality?

Private and Kowalski shrug.

Private/ Kowalski: Okay/ Sure

Rico: Woohoo!

He takes Miss Perky and picks out her Princess accessories in the store.

Julien: Okay. We got the hand [waves the Prince's arm] and half a kingdom. That's some good questing everybody! Self-inflicted back pats...

Rico dances with the new Princessified Miss Perky and gives her a kiss.

The End

General   OnLine   Lists   Trivia   Quotes   Photos   Transcript    


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