MARTY: Grand Central Station! It's grand, and it's central!
Melman: Hey guys! That room has those nifty sinks you can wash in and look! (sticks out his tongue, revealing an urinal cake) Free mints! Alex: This isn't a field trip, Melman! (throws the urinal cake on the platform) This is an urgent mission to save Marty from throwing his life away! Now where's the train? Melman: Ah! Here it comes. (the animals stick their heads onto the tracks in the wrong direction)
JULIEN: Shh! We're hiding. Be quiet, everyone, including me. Shh! Who's making that noise? Oh, it's me again.
Melman: San Diego. Gloria: San Diego? Melman: White, sandy beaches; cleverly simulated natural environment; wide-open enclosures. I'm telling you, this could be the San Diego Zoo. Complete with fake rocks. (taps on a rock) Wow, that looks real. Alex: San Diego? What could be worse than San Diego? MARTY: I don't know. This place is crack-a-lackin'!
MORT: I'm steak! Me, me, me, me, me, me, me!
SKIPPER: Well, boys, our monochromatic friend's in danger. Looks like we have a job to do. (directing Private) Captain's log, Embarking into hostile environment. Kowalski! We'll need to win the hearts and the minds of the natives. Rico! We'll need special tactical equipment. We're gonna face extreme peril. Private probably won't survive. (Private's crayon tip breaks off and he looks up in shock.)
MASON: [Mason and Phil have just escaped] I hear Tom Wolfe is speaking at Lincoln Center. [Phil signs frantically] MASON: Well, of course we're going to throw poo at him!
MASON: [Mason and Phil are surrounded by police] If you have any poo, fling it now.
JULIEN: (begins waving to the zoo animals on the boat) Maurice, my arm is tired. Wave it for me. (Maurice begins waving Julien's arm) Faster, you naughty little monkey!
PRIVATE: [on arriving at Antarctica] Well, this sucks!
MAURICE: [to Alex} Oh, my. What big teeth you have. Man. JULIEN: [flicks Maurice] Shame on you, Maurice! Can you not see that you have insulted the freak?
[from trailer] JULIEN: They are just a bunch of pansies. (pause) Let's go and meet the pansies!
JULIEN: What is a simple bite on the buttocks among friends? (shakes his tail at Maurice) JULIEN: Here, give me a nibble.
Julien: After much deep and profound brain things inside my head, I have decided to thank you for bringing peace to our home. And to make you feel good, I'm going to give you this lovely parting gift. (presents Alex with his crown) ALEX: No, I couldn't. Really, I can't take your crown. JULIEN: That's OK. I've got a bigger crown. It's got a gecko on it. Look at him shake! Go, Stevie, go!
PRIVATE: [the penguins are in Antarctica and there is just a lot of wind and a big mound of snow] Well, this sucks!
SKIPPER: Progress report. KOWALSKI: It's an older code, Skipper. I can't make it out. SKIPPER: You! Higher mammal. Can you read? MASON: No. Phil can read though. Phil? (Phil wakes up; Kowalski points to the tag) MASON: (translating Phil) Ship to Kenya... Wildlife Preserve... Africa. SKIPPER: Africa? That ain't gonna fly. Rico! (Rico coughs and spits out a paperclip that he uses to pick the lock on the crate)
JULIEN: Come on! Time to robot! (robot voice) I am very clever king... tok tok tok tok... I am super genius... I am robot king of the monkey things... compute... compute.
SKIPPER: Cute and cuddly, boys. Cute and cuddly.
SKIPPER: You didn't see anything!
SKIPPER: Just smile and wave, boys. Smile and wave. Kowalski, progress report. KOWALSKI: [In a hole] We're only 500 feet from the main sewer line. SKIPPER: And the bad news? KOWALSKI: [laying a broken plastic spoon at Skipper's feet] We've broken our last shovel. SKIPPER: Right. Rico, you're on litter patrol. We need shovels, and find more popsicle sticks. We don't want to risk another cave-in. PRIVATE: And me, Skipper? SKIPPER: I want you to look cute and cuddly, Private. Today we're gonna blow this dump.
JULIEN: We thank you with enormous gratitude for chasing away the foosa. GLORIA: The whoosa? JULIEN: The foosa. They are always annoying us by trespassing, interrupting our parties, and ripping our limbs off.
WILLY: I like them. MORT: I liked them! I liked them first! Before I even met them I liked them. And so I like them right away! JULIEN: Yes, yes... MORT: You hate them compared to how much I like them! JULIEN: Oh, shut up! You're so annoying! (Mort giggles)
GLORIA: Come on, we are New Yorkers, right? MARTY: Yeah. GLORIA: We're tough! We're gritty! MARTY: Yeah! GLORIA: We're adaptable! MARTY: Yeah! GLORIA: And we are not gonna lay down like a bunch of Melmans! MELMAN: No, we're not!
GLORIA: Oy vey. JULIEN: Oy vey! MAURICE: Oy vey, everybody. LEMURS: Oy vey!
MAURICE: And, just where are you giants from? Hmm? ALEX: We're from New York, and, uh, we -- JULIEN: All hail the New York Giants! LEMURS: New York Giants!
MORT: They are savages! Tonight we die. [holds onto Julien's feet] JULIEN: The feet! I told you - I told you to - I told every - Didn't I tell him about the feet? Maurice: He did tell you about the feet. Mort: [cutely] E-he.
GLORIA: Where are the people? SKIPPER: We killed them and ate their livers. (beat) Gotcha, didn't I? Just kidding, doll. The people are fine. They're on a slow lifeboat to China.
SKIPPER: Status. PRIVATE: [walking on computer keyboard] It's no good, Skipper. I don't know the codes. Skipper: Don't give me excuses, [slapping Private] GIVE ME RESULTS!
[last lines] PRIVATE: Skipper... Don't you think we should tell them that the boat's out of gas? SKIPPER: Nah. Just smile and wave, boys; smile and wave.
ALEX: Shut up, Spalding!
GLORIA: Aww, you poor little baby, did that big mean lion scare you? MORT: Mm-hmm. GLORIA: He did? He's a big fat old puddy-tat, isn't he? MORT: [gurgling and lifting arms up to be picked up] GLORIA: Come on, Mama'll hold you. Aw. MELMAN: They are so cute from a reasonable distance. GLORIA: Look at you! Aren't you the sweetest little thing. Aw. I just wanna dunk him in my coffee! MORT: [giggling cutely]
SKIPPER: You. Quadruped. Sprechen Sie Englisch? MARTY: I sprechen. SKIPPER: What continent is this? MARTY: Manhattan. SKIPPER: Hoover Dam! We're still in New York! Abort! Dive! Dive! Dive!
JULIEN: They are just a bunch of pansies. MAURICE: I don't know. There's still something about that one with the crazy hairdo that I find suspicious. JULIEN: Nonsense, Maurice. Come on, everybody! Let's go and meet the pansies!
ALEX: [exhausted from running and calling all night] Marty, Melman, Gloria. Gloria, Melman, Marty. Marty, Gelman, Gloria, Marty, Melman, Morty, Morty, Gelman, Regis, Kelly. Matt, Katie, Al.
JULIEN: [presenting Alex with his crown] I'm gonna give you this lovely parting gift. ALEX: No, I couldn't. Really, I can't take your crown. JULIEN: That's OK. I've got a bigger crown. It's got a gecko on it.
SKIPPER: Can you keep a secret, my monochromatic friend? (Marty looks around and nods his head) Do you ever see any penguins running free around New York City? (Marty shakes his head "no") Of course not. We don't belong here. It's just not natural. This is all some kind of whacked-out conspiracy. We're going to the wide-open spaces of Antarctica. To the wild.
MELMAN: [with leaves over his head, shouts] Ahhhhh! Nature! It's all over me! Get it off! I can't see, I can't see! (Gloria steps on the vine, setting the leaves off Melman's head) MELMAN: (smiles) I can see! (gets surprised, lets out a shock of scream, burying his head in the sand)
JULIEN: Shame on you, Maurice! Do you not see you have insulted the freak?
MORT: King Julien! What are they? (shouts) What are they? JULIEN: They are... aliens! Savage aliens from the savage future! MAURICE: They've come to kill us! And take our women! And our precious metals! MORT: [begins weeping, laying next to Julien's feet] JULIEN: Get up, Mort! Do not be near the King's feet, okay?
JULIEN: Welcome to Madagascar. MARTY: Mada-who-ah?
GLORIA: What? JULIEN: No. Not who-ah. As-car.
ALEX: [shouts] You maniac! You burned it up! Darn you! Darn you all to the heck! MELMAN: Can we go to the fun side now?
MARTY: The penguins are going, so why can't I? ALEX: The penguins are psychotic.
MELMAN: They are so cute from a reasonable distance.
MARTY: [about King Julien] He's got style. ALEX: What is he, like, king of the guinea pigs? MELMAN: I think it's a squirrel. JULIEN: Welcome, giant pansies. Please feel free to bask in my glow. ALEX: Definitely a squirrel. MELMAN: Yep, squirrel.
SKIPPER: Well boys, it's going to be ice-cold sushi for breakfast!
ALEX: Come on! Melman, Melman, Melman! Melman, Melman, Melman! Wake up! Rise and shine! It's another fabulous morning in the Big Apple. Let's go. MELMAN: Not for me. I'm calling in sick. ALEX: What? MELMAN: I found a bro... another brown spot on my shoulder, right here. See? Right... It's right there. You see? ALEX: Melman, you know it's all in your head. Hm?
MARTY: This place is crack-a-lackin'! Oh, I could hang here. I could hang here.
[from trailer] ALEX: [about King Julien] What is he, guinea pig? MELMAN: I think it's a squirrel.
MAURICE: [flatly] Presenting your royal highness, our illustrious King Julien the XIII, self-proclaimed lord of the lemurs, et cetera, et cetera, hooray, everybody.
Maurice: [flatly] Presenting your royal highness, the illustrious blah, blah, blah, you know, et cetera, et cetera, hooray, let's go.
MELMAN: Hey! Hey, you guys! That room has some nifty little sinks we can wash up in, and look! (Takes an urinal cake out of mouth laying on his tongue) Free mints!
GLORIA: Melman! Are you okay? MELMAN: Yeah, no, I'm fine. I often doze off while I'm getting an MRI. ALEX: Melman, you're not getting an MRI. MELMAN: CAT scan? ALEX: No! No CAT scan! It's a transfer! It's a zoo transfer! MELMAN: Zoo transfer? Oh, no. No, no. I can't be transferred. I have an appointment with Dr. Goldberg at five. There are prescriptions that have to be filled! No other zoo can afford my medical care! And I am not going HMO! MARTY: Take it easy, Melman. It's gonna be okay. We are gonna be okizzay. ALEX: No, Marty. We're not gonna be "okizzay"! Now because of you, we're ruined!
ALEX: Giraffe, corner pocket!
MARTY: You ever thought there might be more to life than steak, Alex? ALEX: [to his steak] He didn't mean that, baby. No, no, no.
GLORIA: What kind of zoo is this? MELMAN: I just saw twenty-six blatant health code violations. MARTY: I'm loving San Diego. This place is off the chizain. MELMAN: Twenty-seven.
GLORIA: It's not people, it's animals. MELMAN: California animals. Dude. MARTY: This is like a Puffy party.
ALEX: [to Mort] Hi theeeeeEEEEEEEEERRRREEEE.
Private: Don't you think we should tell them that the boat's out of gas?
END OF ARTICLE