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Scene I: The Zoo
Kowalski is measuring and the others are placing traffic cones around the zoo.
Kowalski: Annnd here.
Skipper: (Inspecting their work) Looking good.
The tape measurer is still in Rico’s stomach. Marlene walks up, unnoticed and has a cone shoved over her head.
Marlene: Hey guys!
Skipper: Course is set. Ready to roll.
Kowalski notices one of the cones has begun moving. Private appears thoroughly spooked.
Kowalski: Grrr. Oh for pity’s sake, if the cones are just going to move themselves, why do I measure?
Marlene emerges from beneath the moving cones.
Marlene: Guys, what are you doing?
Skipper: (Surprised) Marlene!? Who was on cone stowaway duty?
Kowalski, Private, and Rico point at each other.
Marlene: Uh-ah-I didn’t stowa—you just—
The penguins drive by Marlene in their remote controlled car. Skipper hops in.
Skipper: Officially, you have no idea what we’re doing here.
The penguins drive away.
Marlene: Yeah, um, (sadly) unofficially too.
Scene II: The Lemur Habitat
King Julien is seen looking very bored. Maurice and Mort are trying to cheer him up.
King Julien: (Sighing) I am totally bored. I am (yawns) stupid-fied. Is there nothing that can amuse me?
Mort falls off his tight-rope and lands on his face.
King Julien: Nice hustle Mort, I give it a six.
King Julien hears the toy car burning rubber.
King Julien: But, what is this in my ears?
The penguins are seen in their toy car, weaving in and out of a line of cones.
Skipper: How’d we do, Kowalski?
Kowalski: Exceptional, Skipper. Shaved four seconds off our best time.
They all exchange high fives. King Julien is seen standing on a wall near the penguins.
King Julien: (In a feminine voice) Yoo-hoo! It is I, king Julien, your furry little friend and favorite next-habitat neighbor.
Skipper: Buckle up, boys. We might need to beat a hasty retreat.
King Julien hops down from the wall and stands next to the toy car.
King Julien: Eh, I could not help but notice with my eyes your very pretty car. I do not suppose that, maybe, I could hop behind the—
Skipper smacks King Julien’s hand away from the wheel.
Skipper: This car is for official use only.
King Julien: (Begging, verge of tears) PLHEEEZEE! PLHEEZEE OH PLEASEEE, LET ME DRIVE IT! Please!
Rico puts the car in reverse and they drive past King Julien.
Skipper: Find your own ride, compadre.
King Julien: Yehes! That is it! My own very amazing King Julien mobile. Oh, I am so glad I thought of that.
Scene III: The Zoo
The penguins are seen racing around the zoo in their remote controlled car.
Kowalski: Ooh, thirty-eight point two seconds, a new zoo record!
King Julien rides up beside the penguins. Maurice is heard making engine noises.
King Julien: Hello, fellow motor enthusiastics. I now have my own sweet ride. Yes?
Skipper taps the front of the car and points forward. Rico guns it and drives off.
King Julien: Maurice, I am stepping on the gas but I am not rubber burning.
Maurice: (Groaning under King Julien’s weight) I’m doing the best I can, your majesty.
King Julien: (Angrily) Stop, stop! (Hoping off Maurice’s back) Maurice, you are a lemon! Clearly I need some other vehicle worthy of my kingliness. But where to find such a—(gasps)
King Julien spots Alice driving a golf cart.
King Julien: (Excitedly) Maurice! Look!
Maurice: What? I only see Alice’s zoo cart.
King Julien: It is handsome! The most handsomest thing which I have ever seen. Besides myself, which goes without saying, but I said it anyway. Why? I don’t know. Tonight, that magnificent machine is mine!
Maurice: Uh, I don’t know, I think you could get in some big trouble for grand theft zoo cart.
King Julien: (Angrily) Tonight, Maurice. Tonight. Tonight, mine, tonight!
Maurice: Yours tonight.
King Julien: I like the way you think, you little fluggy-wuggy.
Scene IV: The Zoo at Night
The penguins are seen looking appreciatively at their car.
Private: Look at her shine, Skipper!
Skipper: This car is so clean you could eat off it.
Rico dumps, seasons, and eats a pile of fish on the hood of the car.
Skipper: I said could, Rico.
The penguins hear a rumbling noise and look around for its source. King Julien drives over them in the zoo cart.
King Julien: Oh, hello penguin drivers. How do you like my King Julien mobile?
Skipper: (Angrily) Fish and chips, man! You almost squished us!
King Julien: Hah, you are ruffling your feathery parts, because I have this big, beauteous ride, while you have this puny, little babyish car.
Skipper: (Indignantly) Our car’s not babyish.
Kowalski: It’s strategically… adorable.
King Julien hops down and walks over to the penguins’ car.
King Julien: Babe. E.
Skipper: (Angrily) Well it could run circles around that monstrosity.
King Julien: Care to put that money in your mouth?
Kowalski: Are you challenging us to a race?
King Julien: Am I? Oh yes, you understand what I am doing before I am even doing it. Winner takes the loser’s car.
Private: Why would you want two cars?
King Julien: One for commuting, one for weekend errands around town.
Skipper: Better stock up on subway tokens. We’ll race tonight at twelve o’clock.
King Julien: (Dramatically) Make it... midnight! Wait, when is my pedicure?
King Julien: (Sheepishly) Ooh, can we make it twelve fifteen? Does twelve fifteen work for you?
Skipper looks to Kowalski whom checks his charts and nods.
Skipper: (Sighing, grudgingly) Fiiiine. Twelve fifteen.
King Julien hops back onto his zoo cart.
King Julien: See ya later, suckas.
King Julien snaps his fingers and points to Mort, whom tries to push the gas pedal. When he is unable to, King Julien gasps and points downward, tricking Maurice into looking. King Julien kicks Maurice onto the gas pedal and they drive off.
Kowalski: (Calculating with his abacus) According to my calculations, Skipper, there’s zero percent chance our car can beat Julien’s. (Slowly) At least not in its current state.
Skipper smiles at these words. Kowalski smiles back.
Scene V: The Penguin HQ
The penguins are seen pimping their ride. They paint it black with fire decals, replace the smiley face on the antennae with a skull, add new mufflers, replace the seats, add green underglow neon lights, and replace their old tires with racing tires. There’s a song playing in the background.
Skipper: (Proudly) Outstanding work, boys.
Song: The wheels of thunder. The wheels of thunder. The wheels of thunder.
Skipper: Oooh baby.
Kowalski: Cool cars go faster; that’s a scientific fact.
Skipper: Gentlemen, our car is officially boss.
Scene VI: The Zoo at Night
All of the animals show up to watch the race. The chimpanzees are commentating.
Mason: It’s a lovely night for a race, so lovely I may not fling any poo.
Phil signs angrily to Mason.
Mason: (Chuckling) Oh alright, Phil. We can watch the race and fling poo. Just like we did in Talladega.
The lemurs are going over a checklist before the race.
Maurice: Steering wheel.
King Julien: Check.
Maurice: Comfy seat…
King Julien: Mmmm, check!
King Julien: Check-ity-doo.
The penguins pull up beside King Julien’s golf cart.
Skipper: (Cockily) Hey lemur. Are you ready to have your lunch handed to ya?
King Julien: Oh, why actually yes, that would be very nice. I’ll have a BLT, hold the T and… ohhh, this is some of your trashy talk, yes? Well I too can talk of thee smack.
Marlene: Gentlemammals, and birds, start your engines!
Both groups rev their engine and begin inching forwards.
Marlene: Ready, set, go!
The penguins rush out of the gate. Maurice finally pushes the brick onto the gas pedal and the lemurs take off in pursuit. They quickly pass the penguins. The penguins eventually catch up, but every time they try to pass King Julien cuts them off.
King Julien: Hah! I am the greasy lightning! Maurice, did they go squash yet?
Maurice: Nope, they’re still back there.
King Julien: Okay then, bowl them away.
Maurice pushes a bowling ball out of the back of the gold cart.
Rico steers their car around the bowling ball.
Maurice: They’re still there, and coming on strong.
King Julien: It is time to, (winks) gum up thee works.
Maurice and Mort begin chewing and spitting gum at the penguins.
Maurice: We’re on it.
Skipper: (Grabbing the wheel) Incoming!
Rico catches a mound of gum in his mouth and spits it back at Maurice.
Maurice: Ahhg, not in the fur!
King Julien: Did that sticky them all up? Tell me yes!
Maurice: Uh, okay. Yes.
King Julien: Yehehes! Wait, Maurice, are you just telling to me what I want you to tell me?
King Julien: Yehehes! Wait, no!
The penguins pull up beside the zoo cart.
Skipper: You’re going down, lemur!
King Julien: (Angrily) And you are going LEFT.
King Julien slams the cart into the penguins’ remote controlled car, causing them to fly through the air, screaming. They land safely on a wall with Frankie the pigeon on board.
Frankie: Yo, now this is a sweet ride.
Skipper: Hang on to your lunches, boys.
They reach the end of the wall and land on top of the golf cart. King Julien is steering with his feet.
Maurice: Uh, your majesty, they’re back. Actually, they’re front! In front. Of us.
King Julien: Maurice, are you just now telling to me what I do not want to hear?
Maurice: (Angrily) Just look!
Private is waving and laughing at them. Rico sticks his tongue out at them.
The penguins wave at Julien & Mort makes all these weird noises, such as blowing a raspberry at them & waving his butt King Julien: No! I cannot be the loser guy!
Mort: Hehehe! Hi!
King Julien: Throw something at them!
Maurice: What? We’ve thrown everything we’ve got.
King Julien: (Looking at Mort) Must I spell it out?
Kowalski: The home stretch!
Skipper: We’ve got this one in the bag, boys!
Mort lands on Rico’s head, causing them to spin out. King Julien passes them.
King Julien: Silly losers!
Mort: I flew!
Skipper leaves Mort with one of the gorillas.
Skipper: Kowalski, progress report.
Kowalski: We seem to be losing.
Skipper: Wrong! Private, take the wheel. Rico, bean up.
Rico eats a can of beans, propelling their car ahead of King Julien’s cart.
King Julien: Ahahah! I can taste the taste of victory, mmmm, it is yummy in my tummy.
King Julien: (As they pass him) Oh no, now I smell the smell of defeat, and it is stinking.
Skipper: Say hello to the winner’s circle, boys.
They approach the finish line.
Mason: Here they come!
Phil drops a banana on the track.
Kowalski: Road hazard!
They hit the banana and spin out, screaming. They stop feet from the finish line. King Julien crosses the finish line.
King Julien: Ahah! I am de winneriest winner of them all!
Private: (Sadly) We lost?
Skipper: Men, I take full blame for this. You’ll have my resignation first thing in the A.M..
Kowalski: (Angrily) You! Simian! You cost us the race! You can’t go throwing your banana peels around willy nilly!
Mason: Well, he’s got you there Phil. It’s not like poo; there are consequences.
King Julien returns to gloat.
King Julien: Hahahaha! Silly penguins, when will you learn that nothing can stop King Julien? Hahahah!
King Julien drives off screen and can be heard crashing into a brick wall.
Marlene: Nothing but a brick wall.
The penguins slide over to King Julien’s wrecked golf cart.
Skipper: Speak to me man, how many fingers?
King Julien: Ugh. Is this a tricky question? (Noticing his wrecked cart) Ahh! What have you done?
Maurice: (Climbing out of the rubble) Um, your majesty? (Angrily) YOU DID THAT!
King Julien: Maurice, enough with the, “what I don’t want to hear”. (Sadly) It is sad… very sad, I would… shed tears, (gloatingly) IF I DID NOT HAVE YOUR CAR! MUAHAHAHAH!
King Julien runs past the penguins to claim their car as his own.
Private: (Sadly) He doesn’t have to be so gloaty about it.
Skipper: I feel your pain Private, but you roll the dice, you pay the price.
Kowalski: Not necessarily, Skipper.
King Julien: Hey, does this have a seat warmer? Because my royal tooshie gets freezy in the winter.
King Julien notices a button with his face on it and pushes it.
King Julien: Look! Me! On a pushy button!
Upon pushing said button, King Julien is ejected out of the car and into the air.
Kowalski: Lemur ejecting seat; my own personal touch.