The Penguins of Madagascar
- (After Skipper was presumably eaten by the Snakehead) "Kowalski's log." (turns around and sees Private and Rico staring at him disapprovingly) "What, too soon?" (Snakehead!)
- (Kowalski heard getting a shot) "Good Galileo... Galileiiiiiiiiiiii!!!!!!!!!" (Needle Point)
- "Can you think of even of one time I have played a trick or even TOLD a joke?" (It's About Time, when he was trying to explain to Private that he's from the future)
- "Commence Operation...get Skipper out of the locked van?" (Command Crisis, when they were going to get Skipper out of the van)
- "Cool cars go faster. That's a scientific fact." (Little Zoo Coupe)
- "Easy, Kowalski, easy… You don't want this stuff going kaboom!" (Stop Bugging Me, performing an experiment before Private ruins it)
- Who doesn't?!? A cockroach can live without a head for up to seven days! But I think we can beat those numbers. (Eagerly) Whose up for some experimenting, huh?!? (To the cockroaches in Stop Bugging Me)
- "Everything I've learned is a LIE!!" (I Was a Penguin Zombie, after Zombie Skipper found their hiding spot)
- "FIRE EVERYTHING!!!" (Snakehead!, after seeing the Snakehead Fish)
- "Flibity-jibbit, man, I'm as juxtaposed as the next hamburger. (Miracle on Ice, after being smashed by the rat king.)
- "Good Golly Wally!" (Jiggles, after his creation bursts through the ceiling)
- "Hot sauce is truth serum, grape jelly is sleeping gas, and ketchup is amnesia mist. (sprays it on himself) Where was I?" (Truth Ache, showing his potions on food seasoning bottles)
- "I... also... love... you, in the same... way... expressed previously... dude." (All Choked Up, saying his farewell to Rico)
- "Einstein's Undies!" (It's About Time, after Private calls to Kowalski's attention the dangers his time machine poses)
- "Brahe's Boxers!" (It's About Time, after Skipper calls to Kowalski's attention the lack of dangers his time machine poses)
- "Newton's Knickers!" (It's About Time, when Kowalski discovers two of his future selves)
- "Well what do you know? E equals MC cubed. Hahaha, Einstein. Is there anything he got right?" (A Kipper for Skipper, Kowalski imagining himself spending his free time working on science)
- "I am not Scooter Alvarez! I don't even know what a Scooter Alvarez is!" (Command Crisis, when he got mad at Skipper acting like Chuck Charles)
- "It's a chemical in the brain inducing bliss, highly addictive." (Gone in a Flash, when he was telling Skipper about what love means from the smoothies)
- "I have cracked the Love Code...OH BABY!!" (Otter Things Have Happened, when he was happy because his Lovulator works)
- "I, uh, don't want to alarm anyone, but, I went all in on the broccoli for lunch today. (Operation: Cooties, in the box to his comrades, having cooties.)
- "I say humbug to you, sir. Humbug. Humbug. HUM-BUG! (The All Nighter Before Christmas, to Rico when Rico refused to clear the rock and roll Christmas decorations.)
- "Just a little pinch, followed by the brief sensation of a thousand suns exploding in your skull." (Roger Dodger, describing the sensation of switching minds)
- "Mama make a butter biscuit gravy gravy BONGOS!!!" (Cat's Cradle, after being shocked by Officer X)
- "Mostly not good with hints of horrible." (Dr. Blowhole's Revenge)
- "No need to paint, I'm as flopsy-faced as ever." (Miracle on Ice, after Skipper asks if he's okay)
- "Now this time I want you to be a good goo guy." (Jiggles, when he was talking to Jiggles after he shrunk him)
- "AW, COME ON! ENOUGH ALREADY!!" (Gator Watch, being annoyed by the flushing sounds.)
- "OH, COME ON NOW!!" (Snakehead!, after they see they didn't eliminate the monster)
- "Oh, that image will haunt me!" (All Choked Up, when seeing the leopard seal eating the penguin in the DVD.)
- "Okay, let's get stupid!" (Sting Operation, when he was going to test out his newest invention so they won't feel pain)
- "PSHH! Don't get your feathers in a bunch, Private!" (It's About Time, when another future Kowalski was asking Private to calm down)
- "RESPECT THE SCIENCE!" (Otter Things Have Happened)
- "SCIENCE! WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN ME?!?" (Otter Things Have Happened, after Marlene broke up with Fred)
- "So wild, so free, yet I know I could tame her!" (What Goes Around, when he wanted to have Officer X 's vehicle)
- "Surrender is a verb Skipper. It means to give up or yield....oh right...here...I'll do it myself." (smacks himself across the face.) (Kingdom Come, when Skipper said he doesn't know the meaning of surrender)
- "Technically speaking... maybe." (Launchtime, saying that the rocket is safe.)
- "The moo cow may have a chocolate marshmallow." (Miracle on Ice, another line from Kowalski when he was dazed)
- "There's a scientific word for this...weird." (Otter Gone Wild, after Marlene turns to normal)
- "This is a scientifically engineered hook-up." (Otter Things Have Happened, when he was telling Marlene what the date was for)
- "Well, I'll be a bicycle cream cone!" (Miracle on Ice, another line when he was dazed)
- "While we're at it, let's just call the Great Wall a fence, Mona Lisa a doodle, and Albert Einstein Mr. Smarty-Pants! (It's About Time, when Skipper asked why not call the chronotron, a time machine.)
- "Why do the bad guys always get the good stuff?" (Dr. Blowhole's Revenge)
- "Without friends his delicate psyche snapped like snappyest snappersons, the snappyest kid in Snappadelvia, snap snappersons since snaps photography specialists!" (All King, No Kingdom, looking at Julien's desperate state)
- "Wow, we are really good looking...*all three Kowalski's*...Mmhhmmmm!" (It's About Time, after seeing the future Kowalskis)
- "You heard the Doctor, that infection did things to his brain....HORRIBLE THINGS!" (I Was a Penguin Zombie)
- "You've got to stop me!" (It's About Time, said by both future Kowalski's when they came through the time portal and land near Private and Skipper)
- "Ordinarily when I think intelligence, I would not think Fred" (The Lost Treasure of the Golden Squirrel)
- "The promise of mystery, adventure, hidden clues, action set pieces, red herrings, diabolical double crosses and the thrilling climax that ultimately bashes us over the head with a lesson about the importance of non-material possessions" (The Lost Treasure of the Golden Squirrel)
- "High probability of globetrotting escapades, ruthless villains, and ancient riches all tied up nicely with the heartfelt realization that we had what we were looking for inside us all along" (The Lost Treasure of the Golden Squirrel)
- You, simian! You can't go throwing your banana peels around willy-nilly! (Little Zoo Coupe after they lost the race to a banana peel in the middle of the track, due to Phil.)
- "'We go'? I'm not familiar with that neighborHOOD!!!" (Night and Dazed, trying to find where Leonard is until he was pulled into the ejection area)
- "TESLA'S COIL!" (Truth Ache, after Kowalski sees a hiccuping, dazed Private after he drank the Truth Serum)
- "This red line shows the frustration level of a really smart person forced to take orders from some dunder-brained boob. As you can see the frustration just keeps rising and rising and rising. I mean, why don't they put the smart guy in charge, huh? (freaks out) IT DOESN"T MAKE ANY SENSE! SOMETHING HAS GOT TO GIVE, PEOPLE! AM I THE ONLY ONE SEEING THIS?! (Whispers and Coups, showing frustation and intelligence)
- "I like peanuts and I like butter, but I do not like peanut butter. WEIRD... (Brain Drain, after he accidentally makes himself stupid.)
- "Follow the line, follow the line follow the line..." (Brain Drain, after he accidentally makes himself stupid and the other penguins had him waddling in circles so he won't mess up the mission.)
- "Doris and Kowalski swimming in the sea, K-I-S-S-I-N-G!" (Loathe at First Sight, hoping that Doris will fall in love with him.)
- "I don't think I want to be PEANUT BUTTER!" (Loathe at First Sight, when avoiding Burt, who was hit by the Hate Me Laser and threatens to crush him.)
- "You know what I say to that, Skipper? I say, 'Nei-ei-ei-ei-ei-ei-eigh'!" (Operation: Big Blue Marble, when Skipper says that horse sense is to best fight the blue marble.)
Conversations involving him
Skipper: Hmmm...Kowalski, where are we on eliminating pain?
Kowalski: Way ahead of you, Skipper. I've just been perfecting this pain
He turns the helmet on, and it vibrates
Kowalski: As you'll see...
Kowalski puts his flipper over an anvil.
Kowalski: ...the neuron-inhibiting matrix provides 100% protection...
Kowalski drops the anvil.
Kowalski: ...from all forms of...
(The anvil lands on his flipper.)
Kowalski: AHHHH!!! IT'S NOT PERFECTED!!
Kowalski pulls his injured flipper out.
Kowalski: OH, IT HURTS! It hurts so bahahaad!!!
Kowalski runs off.
Skipper: (sighs) It's a fool's dream, to live without pain, you'd have to
be uniquely freakish!
(The Blue Hen solves a case but Kowalski is trying to
convince everyone she did not do it with psychic powers)
Maurice: How did she (Blue Hen) do it?
Skipper: Psychic chicken.
Kowalski: Or is she?! Any moron can pick from a given set of options.
Private: Isn't that what you do?
Kowalski: (waving his wings rapidly) I do it with science!
(Kowalski recovers from a lab accident)
Kowalski: You don't understand. (gets out of his bunk) I haven't had a
scientific breakthrough in weeks.
Private: What about your shrink ray?
(Private takes out a small ray gun)
Kowalski: (frustrated) Pfft. Small potatoes, useless!
Private nearly drops the shrink ray after Kowalski smacks it away. Skipper
holds up a bag of potatoes.
Skipper: Oh, I dunno know, we could whip us up a batch...
Rico hungrily looks at the bag and some small potatoes.
Skipper: ...of teeny-tiny French Fries.
(Jiggles has eaten King Julien)
Kowalski: Skipper, don't you see? Julien was a "Jiggles hater".
Julien waves to the penguins.
Kowalski: You know what happens to "Jiggles haters".
Rico whistles coo-coo.
Kowalski: This is what happens when you hate on my monster.
Skipper: Ahhhh. You admit you made a monster.
Kowalski: Well, the good kind of monster. MY KIND!
(Skipper slaps him)
Skipper: You gotta snap of out of this, Kowalski.
Kowalski: (stark raving mad) Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Oh, I see. You're all haters now. Well,
see you later, SCIENCE HATERS!
Kowalski leaves laughing crazily with Jiggles, still having Julien, leaving
the others upset and hurt.
Private: (upset) He called us haters! (sniffles) That makes me sad, Skipper.
I Was a Penguin Zombie
(Hiding from "zombie" Skipper)
Kowalski: "Okay. Based on what I know about zombies, the safest place to hide
is in a small, dark, room with creepy lighting."
("Zombie" Skipper appears and the penguins scream)
Kowalski: "Everything I've learned is a LIE!"
Can't Touch This
Kowalski: (after spraying Randy's wool) I've coated Randy's wool with a kinetic repelling polymer that will protect him from the sticky hands of churroed-up children.
Skipper: Outstanding. You are home free, amigo!
Skipper pats Randy on the back, but Randy goes flying around the room,
bouncing off the walls.
Skipper: Kowalski... (Tracking Randy around the room.)
Kowalski: What, Skip-per?... (Also tracking Randy, bouncing around the room.)
Skipper: The bouncing? (Still tracking Randy)
Kowalski: Yes... He is! (Also still tracking Randy)
(Both of them fly backwards due to Randy crashing into them, stopping his
Night and Dazed
(Skipper tracks Private's flight. He lands in the Koala Habitat)
Skipper: All the way to the Koala Habitat? That's clear across the zoo!
(Kowalski groans and pulls out his abacus.)
Kowalski: He shouldn't be in the zoo at all!
Kowalski whacks himself in the head with it
Kowalski: Ugh! Needs! More! Tension!!
Skipper: Boys, no training tonight. It's game night!
Kowalski: Trivia! Let's play trivia! I dominate trivia!
Private: Oh. Can we play Simon Says this week?
Kowalski: Yes, Simon Says we play TRIVIA!!
Skipper: Kowalski, have you ever invented anything, that doesn't eventually threaten to destory us all?
Kowalski: Uh, let me think...uh, no.
Private: Cutting a bit too close weren't it, Kowalski
Kowalski: With my new Chronal-Curbulater, I had all the time in the world.
Skipper: (sarcastically) "Chronal-Curbulater", Kowalski? So what does this thing do?
Kowalski: Well, it stops time.
Skipper: (sarcastically)And what does it look like?
Kowalski: A watch, I guess to the scientifically unsophisticated.
Skipper: A stop watch! Boom! Done.
Kowalski: The name doesn't completely convey--
Skipper: Democracy exercise! Who likes stopwatch?
Private:(raising his flipper) I can pronounce that one.
Kowalski: Fine! Stop watch...
The Trouble With Jiggles
Kowalski: And yet I feel no joy. Frozen solid is no life for sentient gelatin. What's a slightly mad scientist to do?
Skipper: I dunno, think outside the box? Isn't that what you scientific nerdlets like to do?
Kowalski: Outside the box...? Or...outside the atmosphere!
END OF ARTICLE