Scene I: The Penguin HQ
Kowalski is introducing a new invention to the others. While Skipper is calmly enjoying his morning cup of Joe Private and Rico look apprehensively towards Kowalski's new invention.
Skipper: Okay, Kowalski. Wow me.
Kowalski is standing next to his new invention, and points to it.
Kowalski: Behold, the portal to time's past, the Chronotron!
Rico and Private stare at Skipper who has a skeptical look upon his face.
Skipper: So... it's a time machine?
Kowalski: Well, yes.
Skipper: So why not call it a time machine?
Kowalski is becoming annoyed by Skipper's over-simplification of his scientific achievement.
Kowalski: Yeah, okay. And while we're at it let's just call the Great Wall a fence, Mona Lisa a doodle, and Albert Einstein "Mr. Smarty Pants"!
Skipper, Rico, and Private all stare at Kowalski as if to say, "and your point is...?" The fish in his cup twitches its tail.
Kowalski: (Sighs) Oh Skipper, I don't think you're seeing the big picture here. With the Chronotron we'll be able to visit any period in history!
After taking a sip, Skipper throws his cup of joe to the side, and punches his open hand while talking.
Skipper: Outstanding! Finally those hippies can be stopped! C'mon Rico!
Skipper and Rico slowly advance towards the Chrono-tron.
Rico: (Angrily) Hippies!
Kowalski: Hold on Skipper, the Chronotron needs just one more thing before it's fully functional. Five ounces of Macguffium-239. Fortunately I know where to find some right here in midtown.
Kowalski pulls out a City Map and points to the center of it.
Scene II: Tall Office Building in the City
The penguins have infiltrated a tall office building in the middle of the city. They knock out a scientist causing him to fall backwards and erase the number of days (264) on the No Accidents sign hanging on the wall. The room appears to be a lab of some sort. The penguins have gained access through a ceiling vent.
Kowalski: The Macguffium is somewhere in this lab.
Skipper: Spread out men.
The penguins all slide off in different directions in search of the Macguffium. Private sticks his head into a trash can.
Private: Hello? Macguffium?
A screaming Kowalski (Kowalski-A) appears in a flash of lightning, looks around, spots Private, and begins yelling.
Kowalski-A: Private! You have got to stop me! (shaking Private out of the trash can)
Private: Um, okay. Kowalski, stop, please.
Kowalski-A: No, not me, me! (shows Private the present Kowalski) That me!
Kowalski: (looks at a test tube) Hmm, nope. (throws test tube away, resulting in an explosion, and takes another one) Ahh! Nope. (throws second tube away resulting in another explosion and picks up another one) Oooh! Nope. (throws away)
Private: There's... two of you?
Kowalski-A: Private, I have come from the FUTURE!
Private: (giggles) There's two of you! That's a smashing trick! How'd you do it? Mirrors? Or is that Rico in a Kowalski costume?
Kowalski-A: (Facepalm) Private, can you think of even one time I have played a trick, or even told a joke?
Private stares at Kowalski (A) for a second and then gasps in shock.
Private: You really are from the future! Tell me, am I living in a cottage in Nova Scotia, happily married with one egg and another on the way? (sighs dreamily)
Kowalski-A: Ehhh... no.
Private: (Sadly) Oh.
Kowalski-A: But we have more pressing concerns. If my past self completes the Chronotron it will lead to nothing but disaster and chaos! (Wildly waving his arms)
Private: So go tell yourself. You're sure to listen to you.
Kowalski-A: All right...(walks toward the present Kowalski) NO! (retreating back) If I meet my present self the space time continuum would be ripped asunder by a chrono-vortex.
Private: (Sadly) Oh dear...
Kowalski is standing on a table holding a test tube full of a glowing, pink substance.
Kowalski: Ah-ha! Here it is! Five ounces of Macguffium-239.
Kowalski-A: (shaking Private)You've got to get that Macguffium Private! Or the entire universe will be destroyed!
Private: (In an scared voice) The entire universe?!?
Kowalski (A) grabs Private's shoulders and screams,
Kowalski-A: YES! (calmly) No pressure.
Scene III: Fish-E Truck
The penguins are sitting on top of a Fish E truck, conversing about their plans for the Chrono-Tron.
Kowalski: Ahh..... think of all the famous historical figures we'll be able to meet.
Private is slowly creeping behind the others in order to steal the Macguffium from Kowalski.
Skipper: Yeah, like um..ehhh... uhhh, well actually, I just wanna slap a hippie or two. Maybe make 'em get jobs.
Everyone except Private ducks, and a traffic light knocks Private off of the truck.
Skipper: How about you, Private? [pause as there's no response] ...Private?
Scene IV: The Central Park
The penguins walk through the central park while Kowalski further discusses the historical wonders they can witness with the Chronotron.
Kowalski: History will unfold before our very eyes! We'll watch primordial ooze form, witness dinosaurs battle for survival...
Private switches out the Macguffium for a stick. Kowalski is too excited by the prospect of time travel to notice the switch. Private throws it over his shoulder and it flies into a tree, hitting Fred.
Fred: Owww! Stupid flying glowy bottle!
Fred throws the Macguffium back and it bounces into Kowalski's grip again.
Kowalski: ...behold, primitive Penguins rise as the dominant species!
After witnessing the Macguffium return into Kowalski's possession, Private stops and whimpers.
Scene V: The Zoo
Kowalski: And it's all thanks to this Macguffium-239!
Kowalski hugs the tube of Macguffium.
Private: (Nervously) Could I... hold it for a moment?
Kowalski: Oh, all right just be care-geehuh!!??
Kowalski screams as Private "accidentally" pulls off the cork, dumps out all of the liquid Macguffium, and jumps around in it.
Private: (Fakely) Whoops! I spilled it! Oh no! Oh dear, now I seem to be accidentally trodding upon it!
Kowalski is near tears as his pink Macguffium turns black.
Kowalski: My Macguffium! Ruined! (Kowalski starts crying.)
Private: Oh gee Kowalski, I'm sorry. I guess no time traveling for us.
Kowalski pulls another tube of Macguffium out from behind his back. Private is shocked.
Kowalski: Well, good thing I grabbed a back-up; always prepared, baby!
Private: (Sadly) Oh ho, good show...
Scene VI: Top of the Penguin Habitat
Skipper is preparing to lounge on one of their beach chairs as Kowalski and Rico disappear into their HQ.
Kowalski: It'll take a few minutes to install the Macguffium.
Skipper puts on his sun glasses and lays back.
Skipper: (Yawning) Wake me when it's time travel time.
Kowalski pops out of the hole.
Kowalski: Roger that.
Private notices Kowalski-A waving at him over by a light pole and excuses himself from Skipper's presence.
Private: Uhhmh, excuse me, I have to do a thing... over there so...
Private dives out of sight into the water and swims over to Kowalski-A.
Kowalski-A: What do you mean you didn't destroy the Macguffium?!!?!
Private: I'm sorry future Kowalski.
Kowalski-A: Oh well, then the universe is DOOMED!
Private: If only you could explain this to yourself without destroying the space time condominium.
Kowalski-A: (Angrily) Continuum!
Private: Oh, right.
Kowalski-A: (after thinking for a moment) Maybe I can!
Scene VII: The Penguin HQ
Kowalski is underneath the Chronotron finishing the installation of the Macguffium-239.
Rico regurgitates a wrench and hands it to Kowalski.
Rico regurgitates a pair of pliers and hands them to Kowalski.
Kowalski: Six quarts of 30 weight oil.
Rico regurgitates six quarts of 30 weight oil into a nice stack. Private falls into the HQ, lands on a high-heel shoe box, and Kowalski-A inside the box grunts.
Private: Hello boys.
Kowalski: Hello, Private. What's with the box?
Private: Shoes? Why? What's so suspicious about a Penguin and his shoe box?
Kowalski: Nuuhthing... except we don't wear shoes.
Kowalski points to his foot, and Rico shakes his head quickly.
Private: Hmm, yes, quite true. Oh! That reminds me Kowalski. Have you considered the dangers of a chrono-path-pair-of-ducks?
The shoe box shakes as Kowalski-A whispers something to Private from within the shoe box. Private leans in to listen better.
Private: I--wait, I mean a chronopath paradox. Which has nothing to do with water fowl, apparently.
Kowalski appears to be thinking this over out-loud to himself.
Kowalski: A chronopath paradox... Wait! Are you saying that the Chronotron could cause a time-spacial distortion?
Private: Dunno, am I?
Private looks at the shoe box for answers. It shakes when Kowalski-A whispers an answer to Private.
Private: Uh yes, I think I am.
Kowalski: Einstein's undies! I didn't think of that at all! (Sadly) It could spell the end of the universe.
Private: So I'm told.
Scene VIII: Top of the Penguin Habitat
Skipper is lounging on one of their beach chairs with a smoothie when Kowalski-B appears in a flash of lightning, screaming.
Kowalski-B: Skipper! You've got to stop me! Yeeoow!
Skipper kicks Kowalski-B in the face, without sitting up, knocking Kowalski-B over.
Skipper: There, you're stopped.
Kowalski-B: No, not me me!
He points into the HQ, where Kowalski is crying over the prospect of destroying his Chrono-Tron
Kowalski-B: That me!
Kowalski: I must... (sobs) destroy... the Chronotron!
Skipper: There's two of you? You're from the future! Tell me, does the Earth become a post-apocalyptic wasteland terrorized by roaming bands of irradiated mutants?
Kowalski-B: Ehhh, no.
Skipper: (disappointed) Oh.
Kowalski-B: But we have more pressing concerns. Another future me has come to this time to convince the present me to destroy my Chronotron, which I've only just learned is key to the survival of the universe!
Skipper: Time travel. All you want is to slap a hippie, but all you get is multiple Kowalskis.
Kowalski-B: Not to worry, Skipper. I know just what to do.
Scene IX: The Penguin HQ
The Macguffium is laying across a cinder block and Kowalski has a hammer in his hands raised above it, prepared to destroy the tube. Rico is watching over his shoulder.
Kowalski: And so dies the dream of time travel.
Kowalski raises the hammer but is unable to deliver the blow. He turns away and hands the hammer to Rico, who doesn't hesitate to destroy Kowalski's dream.
Kowalski: You do it Rico! You destroy all my hopes, dreams, and everything I've ever lived for!
Kowalski breaks down and begins crying. Rico prepares to destroy the Macguffium as Skipper enters the room, carrying a sack.
Skipper: Oh, hey there... boys, uh, what's going on?
Skipper drops the sack and Kowalski-B lets out a grunt of pain. Private eyes Skipper's sack containing Kowalski-B suspiciously.
Private: Skipper? What's in the sack?
Skipper: Laundry. Why? What's wrong with a Penguin and his sack of laundry?
Private: Well, nothing. Except we don't wear clothes.
Skipper: Well, YEAH. 'Cause they're dirty.
Kowalski: CAN WE PLEASE JUST GET ON WITH CRUSHING MY DREAMS?!?!
Rico nods excitedly and raises the hammer above his head once again.
Skipper: Hey, speaking of. Kowalski, have you considered the uh, uhhh... (leans in to listen to the sack containing Kowalski-B)... right right, the uh, reverse-chronology-dialation-backlash.
Kowalski: Brahe's boxers! I didn't think of that either!
As Rico swings the hammer, Kowalski stops him by catching it.
Kowalski: Maybe the Chronotron is safe after all.
Private leans in to listen to Kowalski-A inside the shoe box.
Private: But, but the quantum entanglements disrupt any backlash.
Kowalski: Good golly, I suppose that's true.
Rico prepares, once again, to destroy the Macguffium. Skipper leans in to listen to Kowalski-B inside his "sack of laundry".
Skipper: Yet the quantum entanglements dissapate in the presence of some photonic gobbledegook thing!
Private and Skipper attempt to talk over each other while Kowalski and Rico look back in forth, confused.
Private: Well only if the time's infinity is locked into a variable frequency. (At the same time as Skipper)
Skipper: Which occurs when the tacky ones are hyper-charged. (At the same time as Private)
When they stop arguing Rico looks at Kowalski.
Rico: I dunno what they're talkin' about.
Skipper grabs the Macguffium tube and turns to face Private.
Skipper: Look, Private, Kowalski's making his time machine and that's final.
Private: Skipper, please forgive me for this.
Private lunges at a shocked Skipper and tackles him while yelling. They wrestle for control over the Macguffium and Rico and Kowalski are knocked headfirst into an oil drum, where they become stuck. Private comes out on top, and makes a break for the ladder.
Skipper: Private! Drop that Macguffium!
Skipper runs off after Private, leaving Kowalski and Rico struggling in the oil drum.
Scene X: The Lemur Habitat
Private and Skipper hop the fence of their habitat and slide upon the brick wall surrounding the Lemur's Habitat. Private is screaming as Skipper jumps and lands in front of him. They collide and land next to the "Royal Bouncy" and Skipper manages to slide under and catch the Macguffium. Private jumps on Skipper, landing on his midsection and kicks the Macguffium out of his hands.
Private: Sorry, Skipper.
The Macguffium bounces off of the "Royal Bouncy"'s top and bounces into Mort's outstretched hands. Mort screams as Private and Skipper both land on top of him as they wrestle for control of the Macguffium. King Julien and Maurice watch from above.
Julien: Ahh, look at them Maurice. Why (begins poking Maurice) can't we play affectionately like that?
Skipper: Private, listen! I have a Kowalski from the future who--
They both fall over and then sit up.
Private: --What? You have a future Kowalski? I have a future Kowalski! And mine says the Chronotron must be destroyed!
Skipper: Well, mine says it must be saved.
Private: Oh dear. Which future Kowalski do we listen to?
Skipper: I say... the one that lets me slap a hippie!
Skipper jumps up, punches his open fist, grabs the Macguffium from Private, and runs away.
Scene XI: The Penguin HQ
Skipper falls down their ladder holding the Macguffium.
Skipper: I got it Kowalski! Now fire up that time machine.
Kowalski-A emerges from the shoe box, gasping for air.
Kowalski-A: I can't let you do that Skipper!
Kowalski-B emerges from the sack and addresses Kowalski-A.
Kowalski-B: And I can't let you do that.
Private skips down the ladder, joins a startled Skipper, and gasps in fright.
Private: Aaaeehh! Two Kowalskis! It's the end of the universe!
Kowalski-B: Pfft. Don't get your feathers in a bunch, Private. So long as the present Kowalski doesn't see us, we should all be--
At that moment, Kowalski and Rico succeed in knocking over the oil drum. After recovering, Rico sees two Kowalskis, elbows Kowalski, and points them out to him.
Kowalski: Newton's knickers!
Kowalski-A and B: Yuh-oh.
Kowalski: What, I, are-are-are you, I mean, mes, from the future?
Kowalski-A and B: Prescisely.
Kowalski: Wow, we are really good looking!
Kowalski, Kowalski-A and Kowalski-B: Mmmm-hmmm!
Kowalski: But the three of us in one place...the danger...it will shred time space...it could create a rip in the very fabric of the universe!
The future Kowalskis notice a ripple in the very fabric of the universe forming on a wall behind Kowalski as he is speaking
Kowalski-A and Kowalski-B: Like that?
Kowalski yells incoherent gibberish upon turning to face the rift. They all begin running as the rift begins sucking in various objects such as a box of Winkys, their clock, Rico's doll, whom he catches, pliers, and Skipper's coffee mug.
Private: The Winkies!
Skipper drops the Macguffium and leaps forward to catch his mug. Private grabs his foot with one hand, and a cord in the other. Kowalski leaps forward to save his Macguffium which was floating towards the rip. Kowalski unplugs the tube of Macguffium and inserts it into the machine while talking to himself.
Kowalski: I never should have created this Chronotron. I had no idea. But Private! He understands! I'll go back in time and talk to Private! He'll stop me before any of this happens!
Screaming, Kowalski leaps into the now functioning Chronotron possibly back the other past, leaving Kowalski-A and Kowalski-B behind.
Kowalski-A: Yep, and that's how I got here.
Private: Huh. It's kind of ironic. If you hadn't created the Chronotron then you couldn't have gone back in time to tell yourself not to make it.
Kowalski-A: Fenneman's fellies! A paradox! I've got to make sure that I do invent the Chronotron! Skipper! I'll go back in time and talk to Skipper! He's the only hope for the universe!
Screaming, Kowalski-A jumps into the Chronotron possibly back to the other past, leaving Kowalski-B behind.
Kowalski-B: Yup. And that's how I got here.
Private: So... we're back to just one Kowalski?
Kowalski-B: (stern) Affirmative.
Skipper: Then give me some options. How do we stop this thing?
The rift is still sucking objects into itself.
Kowalski-B: We can't. It will just get bigger and bigger! (the rift stops) And then it will stop for a while. Phew. (suddenly the rift starts again) But then it will get bigger still! Eventually it will swallow the whole universe!
Rico is very angry and begins growling, perhaps tired of all the doomsday talk or upset that the rift tried to eat his "girlfriend". He walks forward, grabs the Chronotron and throws it into the rift, which disappears. Private claps and cheers.
Skipper: Rico! You did it!
Private: Well done!
Kowalski-B: (In shock) But-but-but that, that shouldn't have worked! It-it-it breaks all known rules of the universe!
Skipper: And that's why we call Rico a maverick. He makes his own rules.
Kowalski-B: (Still very confused) But-but-but, the universe!
Skipper: PROBLEM solved. Now go invent something that won't destroy the world.
Private: Like.. a snow cone machine!
Rico: (Claps his flippers) Snow cones!
Kowalski-B considers the idea.
Kowalski-B: Snow cones...
Scene XII: Flavored Ice Covered New York City
New York city is completely covered by rainbow ice, presumably from Kowalski's snow cone machine. As for Kowalski and his time clones, each of them now returned to each of their home-times. The Statue of Liberty and the tops of other buildings are visible. There is a light snow blowing. Skipper is in front of the Statue of Liberty half buried, enraged by grief.
Skipper: (excited) Kowalski...YOU MANIAC! You did it! You finally, really did it!
Kowalski walks up with an empty cone in his hand, scoops some up and hands it to Skipper.
Kowalski: Yeah, but you gotta admit, these are good snow cones.
Skipper: Oh sure. Totally worth it.
The penguins lick their snow cones.