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Herring Impaired Title

Scene I: Penguin HQ

Skipper is making a ship in a bottle, and has just finished attaching the sails.

Skipper: Now that's a fine looking poop deck. I mean, usually I have trouble with my poop deck... But this poop deck- [he is cut off by Private's laughter]

Skipper pauses and stares at Private, who stops at seeing Skipper's expression.
Private: Oh...
Skipper: Rico, pass me the final hull section.

Rico rummages around the box.

Skipper: Come on, come on! Last piece! Let's cork this vessel!

Rico: (mumbles) I got nothin'.


Skipper: Last piece, missing... [he slams his flippers down at the table, knocking the bottle away] weeks of work... wasted! [and again]

As Skipper bangs the table, he caused the bottle to roll off the other side. Kowalski grabs it and returns it to Skipper.

Kowalski: Skipper...
Skipper: Kowalski, cover the Private's ears. I intend to use my angry words.

Kowalski and Rico cover Private's ears, The screen changes to exterior view of the habitat as Skipper screams several muffled swear words.

Skipper: %#%&*%#@$^&$#%^$#%%#!!!!

A bird's call is heard off-screen, The screen goes back to the interior.

Rico: Wow!
Private: [timidly] I still heard! [Rico smiles]

Scene II: Chimpanzee Habitat

The penguins, with the ship are discussing the box to the chimps.

Mason: Yes, we can give you the manufacturer's address. We're just not sure why you need it
Skipper: Primate, this is a payback operation. Missing piece payback. The less you know, the better.

Phil makes a series of hand gestures.

Mason: [translating Phil's sign language] Phil insists there are no missing pieces. Apparently your model is the S.S. Fiskelukt.
Skipper: Denmark!
Mason: Actually, Norway.
Private: You don't have anything against the Norwegians, do you, Skipper?
Skipper: No, I'm ambivalent to those fjord-loving sons of Vikings.
Kowalski: They did invent the cheese slicer.
Skipper: [boredly] Well! Point for Norway.
Mason: [continuing to translate] 100 years ago, the Fiscanlut sank in the New York Bay with a full catch of brine-preserved herring...

The penguins, hearing about the herring, are distracted.

Private: A full catch... of tender, mouth-watering herring?
Rico: [his mouth waters] Fish...
Mason: Your missing piece represents the breach that sank the vessel, as a reminder of man's fragile...

He looks at the penguins and sees the expressions on their faces.

Mason:: ...And you're still thinking about the herring, aren't you?
Skipper: An entire sunken fishing vessel, ripe for undersea retrieval!
Rico: [babbles with hunger]
Kowalski: "Ripe" is indeed the word, Skipper. After 100 years of aging in brine, that herring should taste somewhere between nectar of the gods and slap your mama delicious!

Rico starts babbling, grabs the bottle and starts beating it, trying to break it open, also hitting Mason in the head. Unsuccessful, he then sticks his tongue through the opening before trying to fit his foot inside.

Skipper: [slapping Rico] Dial down the psycho, compadre! There's a time and a place for that kind of madness!
Private: [chuckling] Really, when is...
Skipper: 18 minutes from now, in the lower New York Bay.

Scene III: New York Bay

The penguins' submarine lowers itself into the water, Skipper closes the hatch and scopes the area.

Kowalski: [frustrated] Curse these Norwegian charts! I mean, who measures in metric beard lengths?
Private: [disappointed] Nothing on the sonar, Skipper.
Skipper: Steady! Just get us within five clicks of that wreck. Rico's uncanny fish sense should kick in any--

Rico starts sniffing.

Rico: Fish!
Skipper: Mr. Kowalski, hard to port! Follow that beak!

Rico points left, Kowalski turns to port.

Rico: Fish!

Rico suddenly sniffs the other direction, Kowalski turns that way, The submarine goes both ways until it faces the screen, which changes the shot to a ship, that is exactly like the ship in a bottle. All the penguins jump towards the window.

Skipper: There she lies. Kowalski, herring salvage options.
Kowalski: Touchy operation, Skipper. After a century of salt water, that crate could fall apart with the slightest jarring. The keywords here are slow, deliberate...

Rico runs past them.

Rico: Whoo-hoo!
Kowalski: [panicking] Oh bad Rico! Bad Rico!
Computerized voice: Torpedo One.

Rico is shot out of the torpedo tube.

Skipper: Sweet chester nibbits!
Rico is mumbling as he swims towards the crate, but is stopped by the others.

Rico: Aw man!

Skipper shakes his head as he, Kowalski & Private let go off him and grab the crate. Kowalski then farts while trying to lift it. They pull the crate up with Rico swimming under it and have it hooked inside the sub.

Kowalski: Steady, steady...

The crate's bottom collapses, spilling a pile of herring.

Kowalski: [points at Private] His fault.

Rico goes crazy, but Skipper holds him against the wall.

Skipper: Whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa! Rico! This is what I'm talking about, soldier. There's plenty of fish to go around, as long everyone shows a little self-discipline.

Kowalski slides on screen, eating some fish.

Kowalski: Ahh-ha! Mmmm, Skipper, you have got to try this herring!
Skipper: Don't mind if I do!
Rico: Huh?

Rico attempts to get some herring, but Skipper, Kowalski and Private eat all of it before he can get it. Later, he finally gets the last piece of herring.

Rico: Ah-ha! I got you! (but it slips out his flippers into Private's mouth) What?
Private: (after swallowing the herring) Mmm, satisfying!
Skipper: See, Rico, plenty of fish to go around. Everybody's good? You good? You good? Great! Outstanding.

Rico looks like he's going to cry

Scene IV: Penguin HQ/Habitat

The Penguins climb down the ladder. Skipper, Kowalski and Private have full bellies of herring and Rico is upset that he didn't get a single one.

Kowalski: Gentlemen, send your taste buds into retirement. There will never be a flavor extravaganza like that, in our lifetime.

Rico bangs his head in agony against the ladder.

Private: That herring was so good, [his eyes suddenly go wide] it's making me craving for even more fish!

Kowalski and Skipper laugh, but stop hearing Private laugh.

Private: [he snaps out of it] Seriously, though, good fish.

Muttering upsetly, Rico opens a door and gets out a sardine can from a soda can.

Skipper: Still hungry, Rico? I don't see how you can eat ordinary sardines after all of that delicious herring. [starts rubbing his belly]

Kowalski burps and wipes his beak.

Private: [he suddenly goes crazy] Sardines? FISH! [he runs towards Rico, who kicks him away and glare angrily]

Private smacks into the wall and is held back by Skipper and Kowalski before he can get away.

Kowalski: Private!
Skipper: Private! Explain yourself, soldier!
Private: FISH! [laughs crazily]
Skipper: [creeped out] Kowalski, analysis!

Kowalski measures Private's head and puts a magnifying glass next to Private's right eye.

Kowalski: Crazy eyes...

Kowalski puts a popsicle stick on Private's tongue. Private waves his flippers up and down.

Kowalski: Babbling tongue...

Private bites Kowalski's flipper, frees himself of their grip and runs to Rico, who pushes Private over.

Private: FISH!
Kowalski: Egad! I believe our Norwegian herring was a bit too aged.
Skipper: Never ever blame the fish, Kowalski!
Kowalski: But don't you see? [pulls out a clipboard & pencil] Private's contracted Bacterial, Pisces Dementia! A rare brain disease that's turning him into a fish-craving psychopath!
Rico: Hey! That's my thing!
Skipper: Yeah, we don't need two of those. Can he be cured?
Kowalski: It should wear off in 24 hours just as long as he doesn't feed the disease. [pulls up a chart with a fish on it] That means no fish of any kind. If Private ingests so much as a single sardine, he'll be like this forever.
Private: [he launches at the chart] FISH!

Rico, slyly, puts the sardines in front of Private's face and pulls it away, when he tries to get it, Kowalski and Skipper hold him back and Private yells, "Fish!" Rico does it again and again and again.

Skipper: Stop that!
Kowalski: Well, on the bright side, maybe this will teach Private not to overindulge in so much brined herring. [chuckles]
Skipper: Wait, didn't you eat as much as he did?

Kowalski's right eye moves away then back to normal before showing he's been affected by the disease.

Kowalski: Why, yes I...dooby-dooby-did! FISH!!

Kowalski lunges at him, but Rico pushes him away. Skipper keeps the two penguins away from the fish, slapping them repeatedly.

Skipper: Looks like we're on psycho patrol, amigo. No fish for these two for the next 24 hours.
Rico: [suspicious] Uhh, what about you?
Skipper: [confidently; still slapping] Luckily, my iron-clad constitution has made me immune to this Pisces Dementia.
Rico: Oh. [looks at him]
Skipper: Seriously. [Rico stares at him again] No effect. [Rico gives one serious look] Iron-clad constitution.

Rico smiles, thinking that it should be all right. Unfortunately, Rico panics as he stops hearing Skipper slapping Private and Kowalski. He stares at Skipper, seeing that he was affected by the disease like Private and Kowalski.

Skipper: FIIIISH!
Rico AHHH!

Rico quickly eats the sardines and is chased around the HQ by the three fish-craving penguins. He blocks the door.

Rico: Uh-uh-uh! No fish!
Alice: [from outside] Feeding time!
The fish-craving penguins: [pause for a while before charging up the ladder] FIIIISH!

They went up, babbling. Rico goes up and closes the hatch. Alice tosses the fish.

Alice: Eat up, you disgusting animals.

The crazy penguins try to get the fish, but Rico eats all the fish before they could. Alice throws more fish and Rico catches them as well.

Scene V: Lemur Habitat

The lemurs are watching from their habitat.

Maurice: Since when did we get four Ricos?
Julien: Wait, what? How come did nobody tell me it was impersonation Tuesday? I call I get to be Maurice! [chuckles]

Julien stretches out his ears, clears his throat, and speaks in a low voice.

Julien [imitating Maurice] Eh, hey, everybody. Stop having fun, because I am boring. Heh. And you should be boring too. Heh heh.
Maurice: [insulted] I do not talk like that!
Julien: [in a robotic, monotone voice] Yes. You. Do.
Maurice: Now, that's just your robot voice.
Julien: [still in monotone] End. Transmission.
Mort: And I be the King Julien, which means... [looks at his feet] The feet! [tries to hug his feet and tumbles off screen]

Scene VI: Penguin Habitat

Alice continues to throw the fish and Rico eats it.

Alice: Hey! Baren von Greedenstein! Save some for the rest of the flock!

She uses a long pole to hold him back.

Rico: Gimme gimme gimme! Mine mine mine!

Alice throws the last three fish to the fish craving penguins. Thinking fast, Rico regurgitates a crossbow and fires three arrows, hitting the fish away. The first fish lands in the flamingo habitat, next to Pinky's feet, who squacks in terror. The second fish lands in the otter habitat and hits a tree next to Marlene, who is relaxing on a lounge chair.

Marlene: Ooh. Kebabs!

The last fish goes to the rhino habitat and, off-camera, hits Roy's rear end. He screams in pain. Rico hides the crossbow behind his back and whistles casually.

Alice: [sarcastically] Great. All full then? [the three penguins still wanting fish] Whatever, freaks. [leaves]
Rico: Uh-uh! No fish!
Delivery truck man: Yo, zookeeper lady. Where do you want this truck of fresh cod fillets?
Rico: Aw, no!!
The fish craving penguins: FISH!!!

Scene VII: Zoo Entrance

Suddenly Skipper Kowalski and Private escape to the zoo entrance. They tried to go crazy for the fish truck after the Delivery Man puts down his newspaper.

Skipper, Kowalski and Private: FISH!!!

The Penguins attempted to break the glass.

Skipper: Fish! Fish! Haha! Fish! (he bangs the glass with his head)
Truck Delivery Man: This ain't happenin'! This ain't happenin'!

The Truck Delivery Man drives away with the penguins still on the truck. Rico sees this and jumps on top of the entrance gate, jumps off and lands on the truck.

Scene VIII: New York City

The Truck Delivery Man drives around New York City while the penguins still cravimh fish. The truck almost hits a taxi but misses.

Skipper : FISH...!!!
Truck Delivery Man: UGH!

He turns on the wipers while the penguins hang on it. While Rico tries to approach the other penguins, he regurgitates a toilet plunger to keep him from falling off the truck. Rico looks through the window and tries to tell the truck delivery man to pull the truck over.

Rico: Hey! Pull the car over!

The Truck Delivery man screams at the sight of Rico and loses control of the truck begins as it starts driving in random directions when the police car starts to chase it. The penguins fly off the truck.

Scene IX: Fish Factory

The Penguins land inside of a factory against some boxes and the penguins fall down, and Rico comes out of the top of a box.

Rico: [tired] No... fish...
Factory Worker: Alright people! That tuna ain't gonna can itself!

A siren sounds and the camera shows a conveyor belt full of fish starting up.

Rico: [rubs his eyes in shock] Are you kidding me?!

The craving penguins try to get past Rico, who holds them back.

Craving Penguins : FISH! FISH! GIMME!! GIMME!!! GIMME!
Rico: NO!

As he continues to fight the penguins, Rico then sees a giant, fake fish on top of a building across the street and points to it, getting an idea.

Rico: [opera voice] ♪FEEEESH!!!♪

The others look at what Rico's pointing to.

Craving penguins: WOOHEE!!! FISH..!!!!!!
Rico: Hahaha! Yeah, yeah, yeah, you go ahead! Suckers!

The penguins begin eating the fake fish, screaming in pain as they do so. Rico looks at the clock and sigh, knowing that it will be a long time until the other penguins return to normal. Penguins' yelling and biting sounds are heard as the clock rotates until the next morning. When Rico wakes up and sees that the fake fish has been eaten down to the core of just splintered wood.

Skipper: [back to normal] Rico, Why is my mouth crunchy?

Rico starts laughing with joy now that the other penguins are back to normal and he hugs them, and they all fall down and crash to the ground off-screen.

Scene X: Penguin HQ

The scene cuts to Private holding a red fish on a pillow. Rico jumps in joy excitedly.

Skipper: And so, for conspicuous bravery in the face of uh, himself uh... times three... I hereby award Rico this ceremonial smoked Alaskan salmon.

Rico gasps excitedly. As he goes for the salmon, Skipper accidentally pulls it back to talk to the other penguins.

Rico: AH! FISH! AH!
Skipper: I think we all learned something today about unrestrained glutton--

Rico interrupts as he grabs the fish...

Rico: GIMME GIMME GIMME! MINE MINE MINE! (rides the salmon like a horse, then gobbles up the fish)
Skipper: It's Rico's thing.


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