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Scene I: The Sewer

The Penguins are having dinner in the sewers, their plates on a makeshift table. While Rico is eating fish whole, Private, Skipper, and Kowalski are having Sushi. Private takes a bite of his sushi, grossed out by the constant flushing sounds in the background. He spits out his sushi, while Rico continues to devour his fish.

Private: Um, Skipper, salt, please.

Skipper is fiddling with his sushi. He takes the salt shaker.

Skipper: Here you go, Pri...

Another flush is heard.

Skipper: ...vate.

He passes the salt to Private, who takes it.

Private: Thank you, Skipper.

Private turns to Kowalski.

Private: Uh, so, Kowalski, have you discovered any science...things?

Kowalski doesn't hear him, as he is grossed out by flushing as well.

Private: Kowalski?
Kowalski: Hmm?
Private: Science. Any new discoveries?

The flushing increases in pace.

Kowalski: Oh. Um, well, yes. I've been experimenting with transdimensional...

He is interrupted by a flush

Kowalski: Transdimen...

Another flush

Kowalski: Tran...!

Yet another flush. Kowalski gets very annoyed.


Roger comes in with a plate of Smoked Salmon.

Roger: I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, but you can't rush Smoked Salmon puffs. They burn if you so much as look at them the wrong way.
Private: The food isn't the problem, Roger.

Another flush is heard. They all look up at the pipe that is shaking. Skipper points to the pipe

Skipper: That is the problem! We're eating in a stinking sewer.
Roger: I know, I know. (sighs) Flushing does not a great dinner party make, right? So I'll put on some show tunes. Yeah! Yeah, something bold and brassy. A real eleven o'clock number!

He goes off.

Skipper: Reptile...

Roger stops.

Skipper: ...the sounds of the sewer are the least of our problems.

Rico smells something odd in the sewers. He waves his flipper in front of his beak.

Rico: Ohh...
Roger: (head hung low) I'm sorry, guys. I've lived down here so long, I've barely noticed the smell.
Kowalski: Really? How do you get used to-?

Roger looks at him, his face very close to Kowalski's. Roger snaps.

Roger: You can't! You can't get used to that! What, are you insane?!

He straightens himself up. Roger is sad.

Roger: I hate my home.
Private: So why not leave?

Kowalski takes out his clipboard with a map of Florida and a pencil. He points to a section of Florida.

Kowalski: Many of your kind live quite comfortably in the South Florida area known as Gator Alley.

He puts away the clipboard. An idea comes to him.

Kowalski: Oh, I just got that. Alligator. Gator-!
Skipper: Yeah, we get it, Kowalski. Operation: See ya later, Gator is a-go!

Skipper jumps onto the table.

Skipper: We'll need a large crate, 10 million deutschmarks, and a C-17 cargo jet on the runway in 15 minutes.

Kowalski writes everything down on his clipboard.

Kowalski: I might need 30 minutes on the jet.
Skipper: Blast it, man! That could jeopardize the whole mission.
Roger: Whoa! Guys! I'm not movin'! Times Square, the Met, Broadway? I mean, come on, Broadway?! You can't ask me to give up on my dream of singing at the Great White Way! (He sits down) No, I would rather live in the worst sewer in the Big Apple than in the best swamp in all of Florida.
Skipper: I hear you, brother. It's not the heat, it's the humidity.
Rico: Uh...(shrugs) okay.
Roger: So I'll just stay put. Down here. In this sewer. (upset) On the banks of this raging river of filth!
Private: (concerned) Oh, dear.

Private gets an idea

Private: You could always move to the zoo, Roger.
Roger: (overjoyed) I could?!
Skipper: Negatory. Our zoo overlords may be somewhat slow on the uptake...
Kowalski: ...But even they would notice the sudden appearance of an 800 pound alligator.
Skipper: Despair not, Roger. Compared to our usual high-stakes tango, your little problem is but a petty pirouette.
Roger: Oh, okay. (confused) Which means... what? I don't know.
Skipper: We'll find you a new home, right here. In the city that never sleeps.

Scene II: Pond in Central Park

The penguins are floating on the pond's surface in a synchronized swimming fashion.

Kowalski: Fresh air, sunshine, and a pond to replicate your native, marshy environment.
Skipper: Sold, done! And we pirouette.

In counterclockwise order, the penguins spin in the water.

Private: What do you think, Roger?

We see Roger is stuffed in a log.

Roger: It's, uh, it's nice, it's nice. I got one question. Why the log? It's not very, um... ah, what's the word, uh, comfortable.

Kowalski stands up.

Kowalski: Well, with the park's predominantly human population, you'll need camouflage.

Skipper stands up and swims over to Roger

Skipper: Just hold still when people are around. Otherwise, they're likely to-!

A woman screams upon seeing Roger.

Woman: (in panic) Alligator! Get the police! HEEELP!!!

Roger swims over to her.

Roger: No, no, I'm not gonna...!

He trips and falls to the surface. The two look at one another.

Woman: HEEELP!!!

Scene III: News Studio

News report with Chuck Charles and Bonnie Chang. The news logo appears briefly.

Chuck: And finally, from the wack-a-doo file, Esther A. Paxton of Peravus claims to have seen an actual alligator in Central Park. But when Animal Control investigated, all they found was...

Cut to the pond with a now empty log. A reporter holds up a microphone to it.

Chuck: ...this log.

Cut back to the news studio, Bonnie laughs at this.

Bonnie: Sounds like they were barking up the wrong tree, Chuck.

He chuckles at the joke.

Bonnie: You're out on a limb there, Bonnie. Ha!

The report ends.

Scene IV: Outside Museum

The penguins sneak into the museum. Roger tries to sneak in, but bumps into a column. The penguins take him inside.

Scene V: Museum of Natural History

Skipper: Okay. I grant you, there were issues with our previous home proposal.
Private: But this one's brilliant!

Roger is standing on an empty display.

Roger: Are you really positive they're not going to find me here?
Skipper: Not if you hold still this time!

Kowalski takes out a museum brochure.

Kowalski: From 10 a.m. to 5:45 p.m. Monday through Friday; 8:45 p.m. on weekends.

People start coming into the museum.

Private: Uh oh, Skipper. Museum's open!
Skipper: Duck and cover, men.

The penguins go into a wastebasket. Skipper pops out briefly.

Skipper: And Roger. (trying to control his temper) Hold still.

He ducks back in. Roger poses as a statue. A family walks by Roger.

Man: Who wants to see some pet things?
Boy 1: Gator! Cool.

The two boys stop to see Roger.

Boy 2: What? That? It's totally fake looking. Check out his dumb rubber nose.

The second boy pokes his nose. Roger jerks upward in pain.

Roger: Ow! (holding his nose) Why would you do that?

The two boys panic.

Scene VI: News Studio

News flash with Chuck and Bonnie.

Chuck: Fear gripped the Museum of Natural History today as witnesses claim they were "attacked" by the Alligator Exhibit.

Cut to the museum. A reporter is interviewing one of the kids.

Boy 1: We was just standing there, you know. Not doing nothing wrong, and then the alligator comes alive and tried to eat my cousin, Vick.

Vick nods. Cut back to the news studio.

Chuck: Curiously, museum officials say there is no Alligator Exhibit.
Bonnie: Hmm. Curious indeed, Chuck.

The report ends.

Scene VII: Atop a Building

We see the penguins and Roger on top of a skyscraper.

Skipper: Okay, the pond and the museum scenarios suffered from...unplanned variables. Lessons learned.
Private: But this one's a winner!
Roger: All right, let me get, I'm supposed to be what now?

Kowalski takes out his clipboard, which has a picture of a gargoyle

Kowalski: A gargoyle. Stone carved into a mythological creature that wards off evil spirits.
Roger: The thing is, guys, um, I'm not really good with heights.
Skipper: (irritated and sarcastic) Well, gee, Roger. What are you "real good" with? Not camouflage, not holding still. We're running out of options here!
Private: Just don't look down. You'll be fine.
Roger: (to himself) Don't look down. Don't look down. Don't look-

He looks down, gets dizzy, and falls off the building. The penguins slide over to the edge.

Roger: Doooooooooooown!!
Private: (in fear) Roger!!

A splash is heard below.

Kowalski: Ooh. Lucky for him, there was a swimming pool down there.

Screaming is soon heard later.

Private: (worried) A rather public pool...

Scene VIII: News Studio

A scene with a giant alligator roars with a panicked city running plays. It switches to the title screen of a news special: "Gator Watch, City Under Siege"

Announcer: This is Gator Watch. New York's number one Alligator Attack Updates.

Cut to the news studio

Chuck: Breaking now! Manhattan's most wanted reptile has literally dropped into midtown.
Bonnie: Animal Control has placed...

A threat meter appears on the screen behind her.

Bonnie: ...the Gator Threat level at...

A section gets filled in with red.

Bonnie: ...severe.
Chuck: Citizens are warned to not approach any prehistoric killing machines they may encounter between 82nd and Canal Street.
Bonnie: Stay with us for Team Predator coverage and Gil Forbes with Gator Watch Weather.
The news special ends

Scene IX: Streets of New York

That night, the penguins and Roger are hiding from police and Animal Control. The penguins hide behind a trash can while Roger takes the cover and places it over his head. A spotlight hovers over them from a helicopter. The penguins peek out while Roger removes the lid.

Roger: I'm a fugitive! I'm a fugitive from justice!
Skipper: Don't. Panic. We just need to find a Safe House. Lay low until Danny Dogcatcher loses our scent.

They arrive at the back door to a building.

Skipper: Ah, this should do it. Kowalski, can you crack the lock?

Kowalski gets on top of Rico and looks through the keyhole.

Kowalski: A simple pin tumbler? Pfft. Well, while you're lobbing softballs, why not ask if I could design a self-replicating nanobot? Which I can, obviously.

Kowalski gestures to Rico, who regurgitates a paper clip. Kowalski bends it and begins picking the lock.

Kowalski: (turning the paperclip) Okay. Slow and steady.

The helicopter from earlier catches up to them. Roger screams.

Roger: They're onto us!

In his panic, Roger rams through the door and breaks in.

Scene X: Auditorium

Roger falls down the stairs and onto a stage. The curtains open. Roger stands up while saying his line

Roger: Am I?

A piano begins playing. To his excitement, Roger finds he's on stage in an auditorium.

Roger: On Broadway! I was born for this moment!

He takes center stage (See also: Roger's Song (Gator Watch)).

Roger: (singing) When I was very young, I felt that I was sure to be more...than a handbag, pair of shoes, or belt.

An audience member drops a kernel of popcorn, shocked.

Roger: A nice belt, but still. (singing) And now that it's years later, people say-!
Woman: (terrified) It's an alligator!

The audience and Roger yell out. The people evacuate the theater running. One of them even throws a chair at Roger, but misses.

Roger: What? Too pitchy?

Scene XI: Streets of New York

Due to the surprise appearance on stage, Roger is caught by Animal Control. He's in a cage in a red van.

Roger: Please don't lock me up. I didn't have time to rehearse!

The workers close the trunk as the penguins watch.

Private: They've got Roger!
Kowalski: Next stop: the Graybar Hotel.
Private: They take him to a hotel? Well, that would be a lovely home! Perhaps he'll find a mint on his pillow!

Both Skipper and Kowalski just stare at Private. Skipper pats his head.

Skipper: We're canceling Roger's reservation.

The truck drives off.

Skipper: Rico, grappling gun.

Rico regurgitates the grappling gun. Skipper fires it on the roof of a building. It hooks on, and the penguins go up.

Scene XII: Building

The penguins land on top of the building and slide to the edge. They see the truck go by.

Skipper: Follow my lead, boys.

They jump down and bounce off the cover of a window.

Scene XIII: Streets of New York

The penguins land on top of the van.

Skipper: All right. We're back in this thing. All we need to do-!

Skipper does not notice a traffic light behind him and he collides into it. The rest of the penguins collide into him. The truck drives away. The four fall right onto a driver's windshield. In surprise, he hits the brake. The car stops and the penguins regain their bearings.

Skipper: Men, commandeer this vehicle.

Scene XIV: Inside a Car

The penguins get in the car and hold the driver down.

Man: (surprised) Penguins?!
Skipper: Kowalski, wheel-man. Rico, gas. Private, music.

The remaining three take their positions.

Private: Smooth jazz or hot adult contemporary?
Skipper: Let's...classic rock this chase!

Private turns on the radio.

Kowalski: And away we go!

Scene XV: Car Chase

The car takes off down the street, weaving through traffic.

Man: No! Look out!

He screams and covers his eyes.

Skipper: Not to worry, citizen. We'll return your vehicle in factory condition.

The car collides into a trash can. It bounces off the rim.

Kowalski: Whoopsie!
Skipper: Well, near factory condition.

The car continues to drive down the street, causing traffic problems. The man who was once steering is still in panic.

Skipper: (pointing) Left. Right. Left. Lotta left! Whoa, a whole lotta left!

The car whizzes by an intersection. A few cars stop abruptly. The car starts to catch up to the van.

Skipper: Rico, more gas!

Rico gives off a loud belch, to Skipper's disgust.

Skipper: You know what I mean, soldier!
Rico: Heh heh.

Rico pushes down the gas pedal, Private is by the brake.

Private: Skipper, can I do a pedal?
Skipper: Sorry, Private. We won't be needing brakes today.

The car catches up and the penguins get by the open window. The driver takes the wheel.

Skipper: Well, this is our stop.

The four jump out of the car and onto the side of the van. The driver notices a truck going in the opposite direction and changes lanes just in time.

Scene XVI: En route to the Central Park Zoo

The penguins climb up to the roof of the van.

Skipper: Fast and furious, boys. Rico, blowtorch.

Rico regurgitates a blowtorch with googles. He puts on the goggles and turns on the blowtorch. He cuts a small hole in the roof of the van. The metal pops out to reveal Roger's eyes. Roger looks around the hole to find the penguins.

Roger: Guys! You came to rescue me!
Skipper: Roger that, Roger. We're getting you a real home. Not some dark, stinking hole of woe and despair.

The van comes to a stop.

Kowalski: Um, Skipper, I think we've arrived at the dark, stinking hole of woe and despair, and...

Scene XVII: Central Park Zoo entrance

We see that the van has brought Roger to the Central Park Zoo. Alice approaches the driver.

Private: ...And it's our's hole!
Driver: We got the Gator in the back.
Alice: Bring him in. I've got a nice, cozy habitat all set up for him.
Skipper: Oh. Well, that simplifies things.

Scene XVIII: News Studio

Continuation of the news special, Gator Watch. Behind Chuck is the threat level meter, now empty.

Chuck: And so, Gator Watch comes to an end...

Cut to the new Alligator Habitat. Roger goes up to the water and touches it, enjoying his new home.

Chuck: the happy reptile finds a new home in the Central Park Zoo.

Cut back to the news studio.

Chuck: All's well that ends well, eh, Bonnie?
Bonnie: Right you are, Chuck. Coming up, a Manhattan motorist swears his car was commandeered by, and I'm not making this up...

Cut to four disturbingly accurate sketches of the penguins.

Bonnie: ...penguins!

General   OnLine   Lists   Trivia   Quotes   Photos   Transcript    


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