Scene I: The Zoo / The Penguin HQ
Alice is seen stealthily wheeling a “suspiciously human shaped sack” around the zoo. Skipper spots her through their periscope.
Skipper: (Patronizingly) Well well, trying to bury a secret, Miss Zookeeper? Pity for you penguins never sleep.
Skipper confidently turns around to face their bunks. However, he is shocked to see the others are a sleep.
Skipper: (Angrily through a megaphone) PENGUINS NEVER SLEEP!
Private and Kowalski, startled, leap out of their bunks and land on Rico’s head.
Skipper: Look alive men, I’ve got my freak-on for recon.
Scene II: The Zoo
The penguins are seen leaping out of their habitat and spying on Alice, as she wheels the “suspiciously human shaped sack “ around, whistling.
Skipper: Whistling? Awfully cheery for someone pushing a suspiciously human shaped sack, wouldn’t you say?
Rico nods furiously in agreement.
Private: I dunno, Skipper. Sometimes a good whistle makes me feel like a pretty little butterfly.
Rico looks sick.
Skipper: Can the sweet talk, Private. You know Rico has gooey-love-mush sensitivity.
The penguins slide behind a trash can to get a better vantage point on Alice.
Kowalski: Looks like she’s burying the evidence, Skipper. Above ground… standing up in the busiest crossroads of the zoo.
Skipper: (Shocked) Putting her gruesome handiwork on display? How sick is this woman?
Private: (As Alice is unzipping the package) Please no zombie, please no zombie.
Kowalski, Rico, and Skipper gasp as Alice pulls the cover off of a robot.
Skipper: No, it’s worse!
Alice: Hello, Mr. Robot guy. Could you tell me where to find the otters?
Mr. Robot Guy: Otters, that-a-way, lil’ ranger.
Alice: Ahh, works like a dream. Goodbye annoying tour group questions!
Alice walks away and the penguins slide in for a closer look.
Skipper: It’s too horrible for words. Except these ones; the words I’m saying right now, these are fine. But anything else, no go.
Private: But Skipper, it doesn’t look that horrible.
Skipper: I like that fearless attitude, Private. But, only a fool could fail to see the danger in this metallic invader.
King Julien, followed by Maurice and Mort, push Private and Skipper out of the way.
King Julien: Step to the sides that way, now can you not see that I am coming through? (Worshiping the robot) Oh, metal wiseman! Show me who, is the smartest of all creatures!
The robot beeps and points to the right. King Julien hops in front of its hands.
King Julien: Hey hey, that is right! Yes, me!
Mort: Oh! Make the shiny man do magic again!
Maurice: (Groaning) Uhg.
King Julien: Eh, now show me, who has the most attractive bottom.
The robot beeps and points to the left. King Julien hops in front of its hands.
King Julien: Amazing! How. does. it know?
Skipper: Take a look at our future, boys. Phase two: robot animals.
Kowalski: It’s a classic cost cutting maneuver. (Pointing to a picture of a robot penguin)
Replacement and elimination.
Skipper: (Counting) But there’s…(under his breath) one, two, three, four… four things they didn’t count on.
Kowalski, Private, and Rico snap into kung-fu poses.
Skipper: The war on robots starts…
Kowalski: Uh… Skip— ?
Skipper holds up a flipper to silence Kowalski.
Scene III: Top of the Penguin HQ
The penguins are seen preparing for the war on robots. Private is keeping an eye out with a pair of binoculars, Kowalski is measuring some blue prints, and Rico is regurgitating potential robot destroying weapons.
Skipper: C’mon, Rico. These prissy party favors won’t take down that pile of evil, robot steel!
Rico, with a determined look on his face, wipes his beak and attempts to regurgitate a time bomb.
Alice notices Rico’s retching noises.
Alice: What now? … That is just disturbing.
Alice heads over to the penguin habitat to investigate. Rico successfully regurgitates the time bomb.
Skipper: Dy-no-mite! The classic time bomb bundle with the L.E.D. countdown delay. Maximum explodability matched with maximum getawayability. Rico, you’re a mad genius! That robo zoo guy goes siyanara in half an hour: high noon.
Private spots Alice.
Private: Skipper! Alice! Incoming!
The penguins hurry to shove all of their tools into the HQ. Out of time, Rico regurgitates half of the tools. As Alice arrives however, Rico notices Skipper is still holding the time bomb, so he swallows it and part of Skipper’s flipper.
Rico: (Laughing nervously) Heheh, heheh, heh heh, hoo.
Alice: Time to take your medicine.
Alice forces medicine down Rico’s throat.
Alice: There, that should keep your lunch down where it belongs.
Skipper: That dame is a riddle, wrapped in mystery and dunked in nasty sauce. Okay, mission time! Rico, re-regurgitate that time bomb!
Rico tries unsuccessfully to regurgitate the now active time bomb.
Skipper: Rico? Are you alright, buddy?
Kowalski notices the discarded medicine bottle, walks over, and picks it up.
Scene IV: The Chimpanzee Habitat
Phil reads the description on the bottle to Mason who explains it to the penguins.
Mason: Gack-attack, anti-vomiting syrup. We’ll take the “U” out of spew. Hmm, appetizing. Sorry old boy, looks like you’re all plugged up until the medicine wears off.
Kowalski puts on x-ray goggles and peers into Rico’s stomach at the time bomb’s display.
Kowalski: Twenty-three minutes, seventeen seconds from detonation, Skipper.
Skipper: (Angrily) So that’s their game, blowing us up-one by-one with un-regurgitable gut-bombs. I’m horrified, yet impressed.
Kowalski: It’s so obvious, I-I should have seen it coming, I-I’m sorry Rico, I blame myself.
Private: Not Rico, not—
Skipper slaps Private across the face.
Skipper: Not Rico. Not anybody. Kowalski, status report!
Kowalski: Twenty-two minutes and forty-six seconds.
Skipper: Then we’ve got twenty-two minutes and forty-five seconds to get that bomb out of our buddy’s belly. Rico my friend, we are gonna to teach you how to spew again.
Scene V: The Zoo
Rico is seen in a bucket, hooked up to a lamp post in a similar fashion to a tether ball. The other end of the rope is attached to their remote controlled car.
Private: (Handing Rico a bag) Try to keep it in the bag, please.
They drive their car forward, causing Rico to spin around the lamp post. Private, Kowalski and Skipper hop out of the car.
Skipper: Shields up.
Private, Kowalski, and Skipper pull out and open umbrellas. Rico goes flying and lands in front of them.
Rico: (Groaning) Uhg. (Popping the bag) Whoo-hoo! Hahahah!
Skipper: Not to worry men, there’s more than one way to make a penguin puke his guts out.
Private: Really? How many—
Skipper:—seventeen. Just don’t ever ask to see number twelve.
Scene VI: The Penguin HQ
The penguins are seen sitting in front of their television. Skipper is putting in a DVD and Rico is eating popcorn.
Skipper: I smuggled this out of the zoovineer shop.
Skipper tosses the DVD box aside. Kowalski picks it up and inspects it.
Kowalski: A nature documentary?
Skipper: Wait for it.
Narrator: This is Antarctica; icy home to the playful penguin.
Private and Kowalski smile when they see a penguin on the screen.
Private: Hey, that looks like Uncle Nigel!
The shadow of a large leopard seal is seen, devouring the penguin.
Narrator: Now prey for the insatiable blood thirst of this leopard seal.
Kowalski: (Horrified) Oh, that image will haunt me!
Skipper: (Horrified) Just a boring… documentary.
Narrator: Betcha can’t eat just one, Mr. Seal.
Private, Kowalski, and Skipper throw up into bags. Rico, enjoying the show, continues munching on his popcorn.
Scene VII: Top of the Penguin HQ
The penguins are seen standing around on top of their HQ.
Skipper: Well Rico, I’m sorry it’s come to this, but I had Kowalski whip up a little concoction called (Kowalski is seen with a container full of green ooze) “Number Twelve.”
Kowalski: Two scoops of squirrel lint, a dash of baboon spit, used kitty litter, one hippo toenail and anything we could find in the monkey cages. (Repulsed) Whoa, mama!
Rico: (Laughing nervously as the drink is offered to him) Heh, heheh, heh…
Skipper: Bottoms up!
Rico begins draining the container. After stopping and smacking his beak, he burps.
When the smoke clears, Kowalski peers down his throat with his goggles.
Kowalski: Only four minutes, twenty-six seconds left!
Skipper: Kowalski, ideas!
Kowalski: That bomb is not coming out! We could send a man inside to defuse it if we were about yay tall.
Skipper: Well how close are we to shrink-ray technology?
Kowalski: Seven-hundred years.
Skipper knocks the shrink-ray into the water.
Skipper: (Angrily) Curse you shrink-ray!
Kowalski: Uh, make that seven-hundred and twelve.
King Julien walks up behind the penguins, waving the air away from his nose.
King Julien: Uhg. Who is burping up the stinking fog of lint, and spit, and unspeakable things from a kitten, and, uhg, I don’t even want to know what that part was!
Mort: It smells like the circus!
Kowalski and Skipper notice that Mort is about “yay tall”.
Kowalski and Skipper: Hmm…
Kowalski and Skipper pick up Mort and shove him down Rico’s throat.
Mort: Am I going to the circus too? Why is the circus so dark and slimy? Hey, there’s popcorn down here, hooray!
King Julien and Maurice gasp in horror.
Maurice: Hey, that bird’s gone carnivore!
King Julien: Quick, we must flee! Maurice, distract them by being eaten.
King Julien shoves Maurice forward and jumps into the water.
Skipper: (Talking to Rico’s stomach) Tiny lemur, listen very carefully to Kowalski. He’s gonna talk you through this.
Mort: Um, okay.
Kowalski: Alright, Mort, you need to get to the bottom of the stomach.
Mort: Down the spiral staircase?
Kowalski: Take the elevator—it’s quicker. Okay, do you see the time bomb?
Mort: Hmm, I see an old squeaky toy. Ohhh, I see it! I see the bomb!
Kowalski: Good, now very (fairly quickly) carefully separate the blue and yellow wires from their sheathing, reverse their polarity, then splice both into the ground lead, which should be a slightly thicker, copper filament; am I going too fast for you?
Mort: Hmm, okay. Which of the colors is blue?
The penguins let out a collective groan.
Mort: Is this a blue one?
Rico: (High pitched) Huuuuuhhh!
Kowalski: No, I believe that’s a kidney.
Kowalski walks away and Rico looks sad.
Skipper: Sorry, amigo. Looks like game over. (Verge of tears) I never thought it would end this way but… I want you to know, I love you. You crazy knucklehead.
Kowalski: I—also—love—you—in the same—way—expressed previously, dude.
Rico’s gooey-love-mush sensitivity begins acting up. Private runs up and hugs Rico.
Private: I love you too, Rico.
Mort: And I love this popcorn. It’s a little wet though.
Rico’s stomach begins rumbling.
King Julien: Ehh, what is that noise?
Skipper: (Still on the verge of tears) I know I’m not good with words, Rico, and uh, well either are you, really, but (sniff) I just wanna say, you are my brother.
Kowalski: (Crying) That’s poetry, Skipper.
King Julien: I don’t know about him, but this mush is making me want to blow chunks.
The penguins look at King Julien angrily.
Skipper: Do you mind?
Private: Where're the sun lay softly its head, there will the land whisper, (whispering) Rico, Rico.
Kowalski: Okay, okay now that’s poetry.
Rico appears on the verge of vomiting. Private, Kowalski, and Skipper lean on each other, sobbing. King Julien joins in.
King Julien: I just want to see a penguin throw-up.
Rico throws-up mort and the bomb far into the air.
Maurice: Mort the bomb! Get rid of the bomb!
Mort: I got the bomb, Mort is the best, I am the winner! Mort is so—owe!
The bomb lands in the handles of the robot.
Mr. Robot Guy: Lil’ ranger.
The bomb destroys the robot.
Skipper: We, we won! And Rico’s still alive!
Skipper: C’mere boys!
They exchange high-fives.
King Julien: (Sadly) He was the only one who truly appreciated my bottom.
A hand lands behind King Julien and points at him.
King Julien: Hey-hey! He’s still loving my booty!