Scene I: The Weapons Lab
The episode opens with Hans firing a huge laser gun at the penguins, who are dodging the blasts.
Hans: Ha ha ha ha!
The penguins dodge behind a wall.
Skipper: Oh, give it up Hans! This weapons lab is under penguin protection! You're not stealing anything!
Hans: (sighs) You are right. I surrender.
Private: (pokes his head out from behind the wall beside Skipper) Really?
Hans fires at them again, just missing Private's head as Skipper pulls him back into cover.
Hans: Ha ha ha! I blast you! I blast you so much! Ha ha ha ha ha!
Skipper: (yells over the noise) Kowalski! Options!
Kowalski: I recommend a methodical and carefully thought out-
Skipper: (cuts Kowalski off) Reckless action it is!
Skipper belly slides towards Hans, with a loud battle cry, dodging the blasts and quickly picks up a bazooka lying on the ground in front of the laser gun. He points the weapon to the ground, therefore giving him enough momentum to somersault over Hans and make the laser that's following, cut loose a missile hanging over the puffin. Just as Skipper lands, Hans shoots the bazooka out of his grasp.
Hans: You will not defeat me Skipper! This time I have the upper wing!
Skipper: (points above him) Hmm?
The missile above Hans detaches itself from the ceiling and falls towards Hans.
Hans: Ooh. Ouchie.
The missile explodes on Hans and he flies through the roof screaming. While Skipper dusts himself off, his team slide towards him.
Private: You did it Skipper!
Skipper: Well Hans won't be raiding this lab tonight, and its a good thing. (leans against the table beside him and starts patting it, unbeknownst to him, a test tube filled with a green coloured liquid starts to shake) Every last chemical on these shelves is bottled bad new-
Skipper is cut off as the test tube spills and pours out its green coloured chemical on top of him. Skipper's whole body starts glowing green.
Rico: Uh oh.
Skipper: Kowalski, this is the good kind of glowing, right? Like for traffic safety and such?
The other penguins take a step back.
Scene II: Penguins HQ
Kowalski inspects Skipper with a magnifying glass.
Kowalski: It appears Skipper has absorbed a large dose of (gasps) Inflatium!
Private: (gasps) Bad blowing!
Kowalski: (throws away magnifying glass and turns Skipper slightly, then hands him his cup of coffee) Not as long as Skipper stays calm. (Kowalski brings out a pump, that has a balloon with Skipper's face drawn on, attached to it) But, if his blood pressure starts to rise, he'll expand like a balloon until-
Kowalski is cut off by the balloon bursting. A piece of the balloon lands on Rico's face, realising what could happen he gasps and then faints.
Kowalski: The only treatment is a steady diet of no action, no adventure, and absolutely no getting angry!
Skipper: Eh... I'll be fine.
King Julien suddenly bursts through the lab door.
King Julien: Hello, silly birds!
Skipper's body bloats up like a balloon.
Skipper: What the?!
Kowalski: (points at King Julien) Evac lemur annoyance, ASAP!
Rico and Private lunge at Julien but he jumps out of the way and lands in front of Skipper. Then picks up a piece of the previously burst balloon and flings it in Skipper's face.
King Julien: Ahey! I was hearing the party balloons, and I came to party-cipate! (puts an arm around Skipper) I can make this work! Uh... Pa-r-ti-ci-pa- Ooh!
King Julien is cut off by Kowalski pushing him towards the door.
Kowalski: Julien! You must stay away from Skipper!
Kowalski gives a final shove, pushing Julien out the door.
King Julien: (gasps) You listen to me! I will party-ci-
King Julien is cut off by Kowalski, slamming the door in his face and gasps on the other side of the door. Then Skipper deflates.
Skipper: Okay. Point taken. (scratches the back of his head) Uhh... I'll just, uhh... take it down a notch on missions.
Kowalski: But, Ski-
Kowalski gets cut off by Skipper grabbing him by the shoulders and bringing his eyes down so that they were level with his.
Skipper: Either that, or I retire and become some pencil pushing desk monkey. (yells and starts shaking Kowalski) Is that what you want Kowalski!? (Skipper bloats up) Leave my fort at the quitter's table!? Pencil and bananas!?
Skipper accidentally rolls in front of Private.
Private: Don't worry Skipper! We can show you ways to relax and stay calm.
Skipper deflates and makes a rather awkward noise as he does so.
Private: Oh! Um... Is that rude noise just the sound of you deflating? Or um...
Skipper: (annoyed) Moving on, Private.
Scene III: Kowalski's Lab
Kowalski leads Skipper through his lab.
Kowalski: The surest way method for ultimate relaxation? Pushing the untested boundaries of science! That's how I always-
Kowalski is cut off when Skipper presses a button on a control panel.
Kowalski: (yells) Don't touch that!
Computer Voice: Missile launch activated.
Skipper inflates and Kowalski pushes him out of the way. Kowalski screaming and panicking as he tries to cancel the launch.
Computer voice: Targeting Eastern Seaboard in tee minus three. Two. One. Cancelled. Enjoy your continued safe existence.
Kowalski stops panicking and Skipper rolls beside him.
Kowalski: (wipes his forehead in relief and sighs) You'd be surprised on how often that happens.
Skipper: Rotate me.
Kowalski spins Skipper around, who looks very angry, and smiles sheepishly after Skipper slaps him.
Scene IV: The Lemur Habitat
Screen shows the penguin habitat through King Julien's point of view through a set of binoculars. Mort is grunting as he adjusts Julien's position on a catapult by pulling on a rope.
Julien: Yes, Mort. I shall fly into the penguin party! (flaps arms up and down like wings) Like a regal eagle!
Maurice: I though you weren't allowed.
Julien: Maurice, stop being stupidy. If the king says he will go to a party party, then you must let him go!
Mort lets go of the rope, as the catapult is just about too launch Julien.
Julien: No! Not ready! Aaaahh-!
Julien flies through the air and misdirectly lands in Roy's butt. Roy doesn't notice and keeps eating.
Scene V: Penguins HQ
Screen shows Private's lunacorn doll, Princess Self Respectra.
Private: (singing and dancing around Skipper) Come along and sing a song, we will help you to stay calm. When you feel an anger wiggle, calm it with a jolly giggle! And when your blood starts to rise! Hide it with a smile dis-gui-se!
Skipper burns Private's lunacorn with a flamethrower.
Skipper: (deflates) Say... that is relaxing!
Private whimpers in shock.
Scene VI: Roy's Habitat (Underground)
(Shows a map of the Zoo held by Julien)
Wearing a red helmet with a flashlight on top, Julien starts to dig upwards with a plastic spoon. He pops up out of the ground and looks around.
Julien: Hey...this ain't no party.
Roy then sits on him. His eyes let out beams like a flashlight.
Julien: *Muffled* Eh, little help...
Scene VII: Penguins HQ
(Rico is seen setting up three cups of tea while wearing a red bowtie. Skipper is watching, a bit surprised.)
Skipper: Rico, this is how you, relax?
Rico: (Holds up a flipper) Hold on, one second. (Fixes bowtie and sighs. He then abruptly hacks up three sticks of dynamite, one in every individual cups) Rock 'n rool! Whoo!
(Skipper inflates, getting bigger with each explosion. He then starts to float upwards out of screen.)
Rico: Uh oh. (Partially regurgitates a plunger that attaches to Skipper with the rope still in his gut. He is pulled with Skipper, out of screen) AH!
Scene VII: Zoo
(Kowalski and Private are walking through the Zoo with snowcones)
Private: I hope Rico had better luck.
(Skipper and Rico, who's screaming, is seen floating out of the habitat. Kowalski and Private hastily chase after them and jump on the rope with Rico. They come to the lemur habitat's bouncy. Skipper hits the top, sending the three and the plunger away, and floats up into the sky.)
Skipper: *Singing* When you feel an anger wiggle, calm it with a jolly giggle. *Deflates* Eh... (He falls down ontop of Burt, causing Julien to fall down, and inflates again. He rolls off of Roy and bounces away off screen)
Scene VII: Penguins HQ
(Kowalski is inspecting Skipper with a magnifying glass as the leader paces)
Skipper: We need a new strategy. There must be another way- What is that?
(It moves to show a desk with sticky notes, a lamp, a pencil holder and a piece of paper. Private shows up on screen with a grin.)
Private: It's a desk!
(Private and Rico appear in front of it.)
Private: It had all the latest Skipper.
(Rico flips onto a blue swivel chair and spins in it till coming to a stop.)
Private: Lumber chair!
Rico: Ooh, comfy.
Private: *Pulling off many stickynotes* Multi-colored sticky notes.
(Rico appears with a bunch of them on his body, grunting with his tongue hanging out.)
Private: Shirtless ninja of the day calender!
Rico: *Hops onto the desk in a fighting pose* Whyah!
Kowalski: Try and think of this of this as the start of an exciting new role! One where, instead of you going on missions, you'll file drawings of them!
Private: *Pulls out a paper* See. Here's one of you accepting your new job.
(It shows a picture of Skipper smiling. The picture is pulled down to reveal Skipper, who is clearly angered. He huffs and runs his flipper over his head to avoid getting angry)
Skipper: Rico, circuit outrage.
(Rico hits Private with a yell, then Kowalski and the desk and literal breaks the fourth wall by running straight into the screen, which cracks considerably.)
Skipper: New rule, for now on this HQ is a desk free zone.
Private: But Skipper, you'll pop!
Skipper: But Private, blah, blah. You can't bench a leader! Now who among you can do what I do in combat? Huh?
Rico: *Coughs into flipper* Kowalski, options.
Private: That sounded just like Skipper!
Kowalski: It works for me!
Skipper: I do more than that! I'm on the front lines of obstructing evil!
(Kowalski smiles and tilts his flipper in a side to side motion in a so-so meaning.)
Private: And if a mission arises- *Pulls out a paper* -You simply submit an action request forum.
Skipper: *Sighs* You're right. Maybe I should- SMOKESCREEN! *He pulls out a smoke grenade and throws it at the ground. Instantly, he inflates and floats to the top of the HQ after the smoke dissipates.* Oh, ooh...
(A red alarm starts to go off on their television, gaining their attention as Skipper continues to groan.)
Private: It's the alarm for the weapons lab!
Kowalski: Hans must be raiding it again!
Private: What should we do?
(Skipper deflates, falls to the ground and steps up behind his men)
Skipper: Oh, move out...without me.
Private: We'll make you proud Skipper!
(The three climb up the ladder and out of the habitat, leaving Skipper alone.)
Skipper: *Sighs* It's the rushing blindly into danger that I'll miss the most.
Scene X: Weapons Lab
(It shows Hans standing smugly through the point of view of green binoculars)
Kowalski: Target acquired.
Private: Hans may be tough but as long as we work together we should-
(A grenade suddenly rolls out and explodes, cutting Private off. The smoke dissipates to reveal that they were now tied up and suspended.)
Private: -Be easily captured.
Rico: *Coughs to clear throat* Kowalski, options.
Scene XI: Penguin HQ
(It shows Skipper, who looks very bored, wearing a tie and sitting at the desk with the clock being the only real sound. He puts the pencil in a pencil sharpen then looks at the tip. He repeats this a second time before Julien comes bursting in)
Julien: HEY! Fancy party!
Skipper: *Sits up threateningly* Ringtail...
Julien: Ooh, office party theme. Nice! I got just the stuff to make it funtastico. *Runs off of screen*
(Julien comes back with a bamboo desk, pushing it in and shoving Skipper's desk back. Skipper sits up with a look of aggravation. Julien is seen to be wearing striped pants, glasses and has his #1 King mug.)
Julien: *In a different voice* Ah, I see you didn't get the memo about Crazy Pants Tuesdays. We like team players around here buddy.
Skipper: Get out of my office.
Julien: There's no my in team. Time is money. *Holds out a file to Skipper* Now file these owies.
Skipper: *Takes the file and opens it.* File wha- (When he opens it up, a fish tail slaps him.) Owie, owie, owie! *Closes file*
(A red alarm starts to go off again. Skipper swivels in his chair to spin towards the television. It flicks on with Hans image.)
Hans: Greetings Skipper. I see you send your troops to fight for you now.
Skipper: Hans! What have you done with my men?
Hans: Oh, you mean my trap bait? Why don't you come and see for yourself. *Laughs evilly* Or else.
Julien: *Scoffs* Or else what?
Hans: It's scarier if you imaginez it.
(The television screen turns off)
Skipper: my men need me. I can do this. This calls for- (Skipper swivels back to his desk and pulls out a drawer and its papers) -An action request forum! (He speedily fills out the papers and shuffles them in place) There we go, everything is in its nice little- ah!
(King Julien suddenly shoves Skipper away and sits in his lumber chair.)
Julien: Check it! I photo copied my butt!
Skipper: *Inflates* Ringtail!
Julien: Actually, we don't have a copyer, so I just drew my butt.
Skipper: *Slowly getting bigger* Must stay calm.
Julien: Eh, wait. (He picks up Skipper to get a look at his behind, who shakes his feet in protest) I think this may be your butt.
(Skipper rolls over and on top of Julien, sitting on his chest)
Julien: *Pokes Skipper's stomach* Hey, are you ok? You're looking kind of gassy.
Skipper: I'M UPSET! And it's not just cause of you! My men went into battle without their leader and now their at the mercy of a psycho puffin! (He rips off his red tie and throws it to the ground) Well, inflated body or not, it's time to lay down law! (Bounces to the ladder and jumps up, getting stuck at the entrance) Get ready Hans! Papa justice it coming for ya! (He manages to push through the hole and disappears)
Julien: *Takes a look at the picture again before dropping it* Eh, this definitely isn't my butt.
Scene XII: Downtown
Skipper: Yehah! *Bounces against cross light and hits a tree* Boing! *Laughs as he hit the crosslight repeatedly before floating off to his destination.* Boing! Whoo!
Scene XIII: Weapons Lab
The screen shows Kowalski, Private and Rico suspended as Hans looks through weapons.
Hans: Hm, I like the plasma coil but do I own too many already? Perhaps a test is in order. (Hans picks up the blaster and aims for the suspended penguins. They gasp, making Hans let out a cackle) The shadow of your doom is- (A sudden shadow above him catches the puffin's attention) -Over my head? AH!
(Skipper hits Hans, sending them onto the floor)
Skipper: Let my penguins go.
Hans: Skipper? You're *Giggles* different.
Private: He has a condition.
Skipper: Nevermind that. I may be in a ridiculous state but I can- (Hans starts to push Skipper and roll him.) HEY!
Hans: Can it be? Is the great Skipper actually *Laughs* defenseless?
Skipper: *Whining* C'mon, fight fair!
Hans: *Pulls out a plasma coil* Like this! (He shoots Skipper, making him bounce against a wall and off screen) At last! Skipper will not foil Hans! Win for Ha-! (He's abruptly cut off as Skipper come and bounces a hit to him from behind. Hans hits a wall and falls on his back)
Kowalski: The inflatium is protecting Skipper from damage.
Skipper: Maybe stopping me from taking damage, Kowalski, but not from dishing it out. (He jumps toward Hans, who tries to get up and shoot him, but Skipper bounces on top of him before he can.) Lets bounce! (Skipper hits Hans yet again, followed by multiple head shots. Skipper bounces against a wall and Hans, repeatedly bouncing against the two, sending Hans through a world of pain before he manages to push him away)
Hans: Neutrino Cannon! (He shoots out a purple beam but it's like sparkles and simply surrounds Skipper for a moment.)
Skipper: It tickles!
Hans: Pulse Blaster! (He shoots a blue beam but it sends Skipper bouncing around the room before coming to a floating stop)
Skipper: Try again.
(Hans growls with annoyance and pulls out yet another weapon. Kowalski, Rico and Private watch as various colored beams are shot in front of them as Hans shouts out his weapons' names)
Hans: Electrobeam! Ion Ray! Particle Phaser! Fushion Turrent! Laser Wave! Bombzooka! Smash Atomizer! Zapomatic 9000! Big Bertha!
Skipper: (Bounces back from the last hit with a smug and confident look) Hans, you're wasting my time. (Skipper propels himself forward and cuts his men free. He lands on the ground with them) How's that for a desk monkey? Hehheh, I still got it.
(Julien suddenly yells as he falls right on top of Hans. He recovers quickly and bounces onto his feet.)
Julien: *Shoving his picture into Skipper's face.* The photo copy is Mort's butt!
(Kowalski, Private and Rico jump forward and tie up Hans with rope before stepping away)
Private: You beat Hans Skipper! Yay!
Hans: Ah, but it was not he who beat foiled me. It was the idiot, not Skipper. Hah, hah, hah!
Private: I'm sure Skipper doesn't care about that.
Skipper: *Inflating dramatically and growling with anger* Erg, I was gonna to beat him! In ridiculous state!
Private: Skipper, but your temper!
Kowalski: He's reaching critical mass!
Skipper: *Still inflating* I. STILL. HAVE IT!
(Skipper suddenly explodes off screen with white flaps flying everywhere with the wind of the blow. Julien takes a piece that had blown on his face and looks at it for a moment)
Julien: Ew. *Faints*
Private: Poor Skipper...
Skipper: Over here Private.
(Skipper is seen flat on his back against a wall before he faceplants onto the floor)
Skipper: *Walks forward to meet his team* I'm some-what confused. What happened Kowalski?
Kowalski: *Picks up a piece of white skin* Fascinating! It seems that the inflatium merely popped you out of your outer coat and left you with a rather shiny replacement I might add.
(Skipper's feathers sparkle as he says this)
Skipper: Ooh, It's a win-win. I'm back in action and spared the worst fate imaginable.
Private: Popping like a balloon?
Skipper: No, sharing a desk with that guy.
(Julien is seen holding the same vial that started the whole mess, glowing green and all)
Julien: Uh, little help here! Spilled a little glowing shampoo on...me.
Skipper: Ringtail, I've got some owies to file.
Scene : Downtown
Skipper is riding inflated Julien down the street. Julien hits a branch, letting out a yelp. He's screaming as they hit everything in their path.
Skipper: Woohoo! Riding the ridiculous! Woo!
(The scene closes as Skipper and Julien float off into the sunset.)